CarousHell: It’s a Murdering Unicorn and it’s Pretty Fun – Amazon Prime Review

I take a look at the craziest premise since Killer Sofa.

SUMMARY (Spoiler-Free)

Duke (Steve Rimpici) is a carousel unicorn who is sentient. Unfortunately, he is trapped on a carousel until one day Laurie (Se’ Marie) brings her gross little brother Lunchbox (Teague Shaw) to the park while she’s supposed to be babysitting. Lunchbox wipes his… probably everything, honestly, on the unicorn, finally convincing Duke to get off the carousel and seek bloody revenge. The only one who knows how to stop him is the park’s mascot Cowboy Cool (P.J. Gaynard). Unaware, Laurie and Lunchbox head to a party hosted by Sarah (Haley Madison) and Preston (Chris Proud), two local unicorn fans. The other guests include a host of stereotypes (and oddities) and they’re soon joined by Pizza Guy Joe (Director and Writer Steve Rudzinski). However, Duke soon shows up trying to get to Lunchbox and he’s willing to kill anyone who gets in his way… or in his vicinity. 

Behold, the face of evil.

END SUMMARY

If you guys remember my review of Killer Sofa, I genuinely found the movie enjoyable because it was so ridiculous to watch a sofa attempt to stalk and kill people like Michael Myers. This movie instead decides to make the joke of having a carousel unicorn, which cannot move, kill people like a combination of Jason Vorhees and the bad guy from Revenge of the Ninja. I’m not even kidding, he actually has shuriken and random weapons that he can somehow not only use but is extremely proficient with. Because of that, almost all of the kills in this movie are creative, graphic, and entertaining as hell. Duke monologues in a way that expresses a dispassion and dissatisfaction with his existence right from the beginning. He is having an existential crisis related to being considered an object while still being sentient which gives him an honestly kind of interesting backstory for the killer in a cheap horror movie. It’s not expanded on much beyond a few monologues, but it’s still more than many of these films give us.

Also, he kills a clown, so I think Duke might be the hero.

The human characters honestly seem to be every stereotype exaggerated beyond the point of absurdity. Preston is a Bro who is obsessed with that universe’s equivalent of My Little Pony, making him a literal brony. His girlfriend Sarah is so obsessed with unicorns that she is responsible for at least two of the more disturbing scenes in the film (yes, because she has sex with a carousel unicorn). Laurie isn’t just the slutty girl, she’s so slutty she’s willing to have sex in front of her little brother and is willing to make dozens of double entendres to the pizza guy. The French siblings, who are actually revealed to be Quebecois, are snooty and incestuous. Then there’s Joe, the Pizza Guy, who spends almost all of the film on his quest to get $42.35 plus tip (I think that was the number) for delivering pizzas. He completely misses or rejects any of Laurie’s attempts to seduce him in the name of completing his delivery and keeping his job. It’s actually pretty hilarious at times. Unfortunately, the scenes between the humans sometimes go on for a bit too long and you just start wondering why a movie about a killer unicorn isn’t getting to the killing already.

He’s the life of the party, but these guys don’t know he’s alive.

When it comes down to it, the biggest problem with this movie is that it sometimes is trying to be ironically so bad it’s good and succeeds and sometimes it’s trying to be legitimately funny, but much of the time it’s not quite pulling off either. I will say that almost every scene with Duke is amusing as hell, but the scenes with the humans in the movie sometimes go on for way too long. There are some great jokes peppered in, including another serial killer randomly being in Duke’s path, as well as most of Duke’s one-liners, but the characters needed just a little more polish before they got on screen. Then again, it’s a low-budget horror movie about a killer unicorn, so maybe I’m overthinking it. Either way, at 70 minutes, you aren’t losing too much if you give it a try. Just maybe grab a drink sometimes when the humans have been onscreen for more than 2 minutes straight. 

Unless it’s Cowboy Cool, because he’s the man.

Overall, if you’re a fan of low-budget goofy horror, this is right up your alley. If you’re sensitive to gore or gross-out humor, you might want to catch the next ride. 

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

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