Deep in the Valley: Kim Kardashian, Denise Richards, and Chris Pratt??? – Amazon Prime Review

Two roommates get stuck in a world that operates like a 1970s porn film.

SUMMARY (Warning: Written while drunk)

Lester Watts (Chris Pratt while he was still a normal-looking dude) works at a liquor store and also pretty much sucks. His roommate and best friend, Carl (Brendan Hines), is a sad sack with an abusive British fiance (Charlotte “N’Pepa” Salt). They have a beer after work and Lester wins a contest that results in him getting a vintage porn booth belonging to legendary porn star/producer Diamond Jim (Christopher “Shooter McGavin is also a porn name” McDonald). They get in the booth together despite how weird that sounds, but then they’re transported to a magical land populated by all of the porn films that Diamond Jim produced. Jim tells them they’re there until they learn a lesson, because movie has to plot. They quickly run afoul of the law, namely Detective Rod Cannon (Scott “I didn’t need the money” Caan) and dominatrix Suzi Diablo (Blanca Soto). 

The costumes are very traditional.

They manage to escape and hide out at a sorority run by Autumn Bliss (Denise Richards), where Carl meets Bambi (Rachel Specter), an “innocent” sorority girl, relative to the sex-charged others. Bambi and Carl start to fall for each other until a comic misunderstanding. Carl and Lester hide out at the local college and continue to, mostly, evade Rod and Suzi. In an attempt to escape to reality, they meet, briefly, with porn legend Summa Eve (Kim Kardashian) and rapper turned porn-star Busta Nut (Tracy Morgan, clearly playing Tracy Jordan). The protagonists then have a falling out in order to create third-act tension. They shortly reunite and break into Diamond Jim’s mansion, where it’s revealed that Lester is Jim’s son and Carl goes back to reality to f*ck Bambi, a thing that somehow didn’t happen in a world literally run by porn.

The face of local law enforcement.

END SUMMARY

When I put this movie on my list of potential B-movies, it was entirely based on the fact that the three people in the subtitle were mentioned as being in it. I wasn’t sure what the hell happened that would bring those particular people together. Then, I saw Christopher McDonald and Scott Caan in the cast list and I knew I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t watch this movie. Just as a small aside, why the hell is Scott Caan here? Who did he lose a bet with? Who did he owe a favor to? This was after all three Ocean’s Eleven films. Sure, he wasn’t Danno 2.0 yet, but I can’t imagine he needed the money that badly. The movie isn’t even subtle about how much it appreciates his presence, there are literally photos of him in almost every room in the film, regardless of whether he’s there or not. On the other hand, I completely understand Tracy Morgan’s cameo, despite being 3 seasons into 30 Rock by this point. He is clearly playing Tracy Jordan in this film and, if I’m being honest, he gives the best performance because he perfectly matches the corny tone of a vintage porno. I’ll also give credit to the casting of Chris Pratt, because at this point in his career he definitely seems like the guy who watches porn at work. 

Shooter’s having a good day.

The thing about this movie is, it’s not “so bad, it’s good,” nor is it just “so bad.” Instead, this movie is “almost good.” There were a lot of solid lines and some funny moments in the film, way more than I expected from a movie like this. Almost everything Tracy Morgan says made me laugh, and Denise Richards making a double penetration joke was surprisingly hilarious. Most of the scenes have jokes hidden in the background, particularly on fliers or signs, something that I always appreciate. The problem is that this movie never quite got its tone straight and it relied too heavily on a gimmicky premise rather than using it as a setting to tell a funny story. There’s also a bunch of “gross-out” humor that didn’t work, at all. I really wish I could say it’s a dumpster fire, but it isn’t, it’s just a movie that didn’t quite work. Also, for some reason the R-rated version didn’t have nudity, which was a decision that baffles the mind. It’s a porno setting, you need some boobs.

Tracy Morgan is amazing.

Overall, glad I was drunk for this, but it was definitely not the train wreck I anticipated. Also, Shooter McGavin is still a better porn name than Diamond Jim. Just saying.

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

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One thought on “Deep in the Valley: Kim Kardashian, Denise Richards, and Chris Pratt??? – Amazon Prime Review”

  1. There were funny moments, but I’d have to say this movie was so bad it was bad. I watched it recently on Amazon Prime as well, and my brain seems to be trying to erase everything about it from my memory. What a colossal waste of talent.

    Liked by 2 people

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