Mother’s Day Special: 15 Films You Should (Mostly Not) Watch With Your Mom

Glamour listed 15 Mother’s Day Films. I disagreed with them.

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone (in the U.S.). I was planning on watching and reviewing Mommy Dearest as a joke today, but then my Social Media feed, apparently listening to my brain, decided to feature someone sharing a list of films for Mother’s Day by Glamour Magazine. Here’s the link. 

Unfortunately, after reading it, I determined that most of these movies are not great for the occasion. Even the films that are good might not give your mom the right impression as a celebration, so I felt that it would only be right for me to correct them. 

  1. Roman Holiday

Ah, Roman Holiday, the totally relatable story of a princess (Audrey Hepburn) getting too tired of being wealthy and beloved in the 1950s, so she sneaks out and is found, passed out on a bench, by Gregory Peck. Naturally, Peck is a reporter who spends the movie trying to pretend he doesn’t know who she is so that he can get a story about her without her knowledge. Taking an unconscious girl to your house and then lying to her constantly, truly the height of romance. 

“Look over there so that you don’t remember we’re on a Vespa.”
  1. Minari

While I love this movie and a great fan of Youn Yuh-jung’s portrayal of the grandmother, the actual parents in this movie are constantly stressed. By about halfway through the film it’s clear that the mother, Monica (Han Ye-ri) is considering just leaving the family. At the end of the film ***spoilers*** she stays, but it might not be great to spend a movie sitting next to your mother hoping she doesn’t keep saying “leave those kids and live, girl.”

However, you can hope your mom eventually becomes this kind of grandmother.
  1. Freaky Friday (2003)

Yes, if there’s one thing that bonds a mother to her child, it’s when the child occupies the mother’s body and, presumably, has to bathe and use the bathroom repeatedly with said body. This movie is a comedy only by virtue of Jamie Lee Curtis being an absolutely amazing actress capable of distracting us from the horrifying implications.

Lindsay Lohan was also good.
  1. Monster-In-Law

This film’s entire premise is based around the old stereotype that all mothers-in-law are terrible shrews trying to keep their precious little boys safe from all the bad women out there. Not only is that outdated and inaccurate, if your mother had a monster-in-law, you grew up calling her grandma. This movie’s either lying to you or opening a can of worms you really don’t want opened.

J. Lo v. J. Fo. No Go.
  1. Little Women (2019)

I can’t even think of a joke for this one. This movie is actually a pretty perfect Mother’s Day watch. The biggest downside is that you might find out your mom has a crush on Laura Dern, but, then again, who doesn’t?

Laura Dern as a caring and relatable matriarch? Well, okay then.
  1. The Lovebirds

A story of a couple that break up in the first few minutes of the movie after being miserable for years, then are brought back together by the romantic act of witnessing a murder for which they are framed. Such a traditional family movie. I particularly think you’ll enjoy watching the tribute scene to Eyes Wide Shut, another classic mom movie.

Fancy orgies are probably not your family tradition.
  1. You’ve Got Mail

I actually love this movie and have watched it repeatedly with my mom, but I think it has not aged well. A man using an online persona to seduce a woman is probably the plot of most of the episodes of Catfish (never watched it) and it gets a lot more complicated when he uses that information to emotionally manipulate her. Oh, and he’s destroying her business the entire time. ROMANTIC!

Even then, Tom Hanks is just so lovable.
  1. Stranger Than Fiction

This is a good movie, but I don’t even see the connection to Mother’s day. I don’t think anyone in this story even has kids. I’m not saying that your mother hasn’t found out she’s a fictional character occupying the same world as her creator and that she’s slated to die violently, but if she is please contact me because we can make a lot of money.

You haven’t screamed at your seemingly omniscient narrator lately, have you?
  1. The Devil Wears Prada

I know everyone loves the story of the scrappy young journalist who manages to become the assistant to a boss who is not just terrible, but absolutely horrifying. Who doesn’t want a reminder that employees are frequently treated as absolute garbage by all of their superiors? Oh, and bonus that, after enough time, the employee’s personality will align with their employer, a thing that’s a literal sign Stockholm Syndrome. 

On the other hand, Streep is amazing.
  1. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

This isn’t the version with zombies or Colin Firth, so why the hell bother?

Not. My. Mr. Darcy.
  1. Mulan

If your mom pretended to be a man in order to join the army and ended up meeting your father there, you probably had an absolutely bonkers childhood and you should be set on stuff to talk about for the holiday. Also, the only part of this film that I remember involving a mother is when Mulan’s mom is disappointed at her for not doing well at the matchmaker.

Oh, and her attempts to break her daughter’s ribcage (Fa Li is on the right).
  1. Spy

I don’t know exactly what connected a film about a 40-something single woman being a spy with a holiday celebrating moms, but I suppose it does at least end with the image of Jason Statham having had amazing sex with Melissa McCarthy. Your mom would probably bang Jason Statham… or Melissa McCarthy if she’s not into men.

Or Rose Byrne.
  1. The Joy Luck Club

… Yeah, okay, this one’s perfect. Great stories about mothers and daughters. 

Lauren Tom would later make a joke about this movie on Futurama as her own mother. Was awesome.
  1. Last Holiday

This movie is about blowing all of your money at once because you believe that you’re going to die in less than two weeks. I’m not saying that your mom doesn’t want to do that, because she probably considered it many, many times, but you should probably stop reminding her that’s an option. Otherwise, she’s gonna be living on your couch.

On the other hand, ordering an entire menu is a damned baller move.
  1. Lady Bird

I’m not crying, you’re crying. I’m just leaking out of my eyes. Dammit, this movie is great.

Fine, at the end of the movie, I’m crying.

Okay, so, yes, I’m aware that the list was clearly just movies that people like watching with their moms, so if you have a film you like to watch with yours, give it a view today.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE!

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jokeronthesofa

I'm not giving my information to a machine. Nice try, Zuckerberg.

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