Death of Me: Great Idea, Mediocre Execution – Netflix Review

What if you got drunk in Thailand and things went… like they would if you got drunk in Thailand?

SUMMARY

Christine and Neil (Maggie Q and Luke Hemsworth) are a married couple who wake up in their hotel room on a remote island in Thailand with no memory of the previous day. After a number of odd occurrences, including failing to get off of the island as planned, the pair find a video which depicts them being drugged by a local and behaving oddly, culminating in Neil snapping Christine’s neck and burying her corpse. Uncertain of what is real and what is not, the pair must work to find out the truth and get off of the island.

Creepy stuff ensues.

END SUMMARY

I think the idea of “The Hangover, but it’s a horror movie” has been done before, but never as directly as this set-up. Anyone who has ever woken up after a black-out drunk is aware of the dawning realization that you probably did a ton of stuff which you now cannot remember and the horror at what consequences you may still have to face for the actions of what seems now to be a completely different person.  Usually the stuff that you did, like in The Hangover, is likely to be more amusing, like the revelation that you asked a waitress at the Waffle House what name she stripped under in the ‘80s, but then again you might find out you yelled a series of defamatory statements or punched a priest. This film just takes this to the absurd point of finding out that your husband murdered you but you’re still somehow alive, and trying to track down the truth.

And also that your husband is trying to look not like a sexy Australian.

Unfortunately, the rest of the film just never really takes advantage of it the way that it should. While the film does start off by having them relatively unable to communicate with the other people on the island and having the people seem to conspire against them, both great fears to cash in on when you’re playing off of a memory lapse, they never really develop either of them properly. A big thing is that the film just isn’t that scary. If the story were more compelling, then that would be fine, but it just becomes a long, slow, slog with some supernatural hints coming up until the actual ending. Neither the score nor the cinematography really help with the scary parts of the film, if anything I think the latter actually makes everything seem safer. The film tries a bunch of traditional horror scare moments, but since they don’t fall in line with what’s actually scary about the film (waking up with no memory and a record of you doing something terrible), they all fall flat.

Including random creepy crowd.

I will give Maggie Q credit, though, she does try to sell the hell out of the film and sometimes it almost works. She’s often conveying the exact look and feel of a person who is losing their grip on reality. Unfortunately, the lines she has to deliver with that look don’t quite match up, nor do the scenes in which she has to deliver them. Luke Hemsworth… is there. I’m sorry, I normally like him, but the character borders on the ridiculous. None of his reactions to the situation ever feel genuine, then he mostly disappears in order to get us a third act. 

Is he watching a video of murder, or does he have a tummy ache?

Overall, it’s just not a good movie. It should have been, and I hope someone will do this idea right, but this time it just didn’t work.

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

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Fantasy Island (2020): Welcome to Overwritten Plot

Blumhouse continues its new line of “creepy version of nostalgic properties.” It’s lame, boss, it’s lame.

SUMMARY (Spoiler-Free)

Welcome to Fantasy Island, where all your fantasies become real! It’s run by Mr. Roark (Michael Peña) and his personal assistant Julia (Parisa Fitz-Henley). Five people arrive on the island, having won a contest: Gwen Olsen (Maggie Q), Melanie Cole (Lucy Hale), step-brothers J.D. and Brax Weaver (Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O. Yang), and Patrick Sullivan (Austin Stowell). Gwen is there to take her boyfriend Alan’s (Robbie Jones) proposal that she refused five years ago, J.D. and Brax are there to live it up at a high-class party, Patrick enlists in the army to honor his father (Mike Vogel), and Gwen is there to torture her former bully Sloane (Portia Doubleday). However, they soon find that their fantasies are taking a dark turn… Except for Gwen who was there to torture a person, so that is pretty dark to begin with.

FantasyIsland - 1Cast
There’s something really surprising to the right.

END SUMMARY

This film has 7% on Rotten Tomatoes. I will say that, while this movie isn’t great, I don’t think it’s 7% on RT bad. That’s less than Holmes and Watson and I thought that movie actually gave me brain damage. The problem is that this movie actually could have been really good if they’d just stuck with what seemed like the natural structure for the movie, as opposed to what they ended up with.

FantasyIsland - 2Torture
Also, the dark fantasy of torturing someone for high-school bullying… just why.

The original Fantasy Island show was always about people learning the lesson of “be careful what you wish for,” and usually a specific moral related to the person’s particular fantasy. An episode would typically have 2-3 guests in it who arrive together and then each live out unrelated fantasies, they find out that the fantasies often don’t go the way they expect, and they leave, having learned something. The proprietor, Mr. Roark (Ricardo Montalbon), always seemed to be aware of what was going to happen in the fantasy, giving cryptic warnings, but also saying that he was unable to interfere (though he did once in a while). When I heard that this premise was being adapted into a film, I assumed that it would be a Creepshow-esque anthology, with different fantasies turning into nightmares. When the film started, that still seemed like it would be the case, and that was actually working pretty well. 

FantasyIsland - 3OldSchool
I mean, this just seems like a natural setting for a nightmare.

Unfortunately, the movie decided that, rather than just letting each of the stories wrap up, they start interacting, then end up being part of a larger narrative. While this could have still worked out, the stories really don’t mesh well, and the entire thing feels completely jumbled. Moreover, the larger narrative is extremely stupid and the movie actually takes the time to POINT OUT THAT IT’S STUPID. They try to chalk it up to one character just being nuts, but it feels like a tremendous cop-out. It also feels like they just couldn’t think up full stories for each of the fantasies gone awry and instead decided to just bail out… including bailing on the larger narrative itself. 

FantasyIsland - 4Toast
Cheers, to dropping the ball in Act II.

I think the film really suffers from the terrible third act, because other parts of it were actually working well. I also particularly love Michael Peña’s take on Mr. Roark, because he is much more relatable than Ricardo Montalbon’s “fallen angel” interpretation. This Roark is bound to the island by his own actions and he is forced to cooperate with it. 

FantasyIsland - 5Roark
I’d forgive everything if he did an Ant-Man-style recap of the movie at the end.

Ultimately, I would love to see them give this another try, but I can’t recommend this one. It’s not fun horror, nor is it bad enough to be worth watching as a trainwreck. 

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

If you enjoy these, please, like, share, tell your friends, like the Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/JokerOnTheSofa/), follow on Twitter @JokerOnTheSofa, and just generally give me a little bump. I’m not getting paid, but I like to get feedback.