Fatal Affair: Fatal Attraction, But Without the Quality – Netflix Review

It’s like Lifetime, but without the gravitas.

SUMMARY

Ellie Warren (Nia Long) is an attorney whose husband, Marcus (Stephen Bishop), is recovering from an accident. Their marriage has been strained since their daughter, Brittany (Aubrey Cleland), has gone off to college. They’ve moved to San Francisco where Ellie wants to start her own practice, although her boss, Janice (Carolyn Hennesy), wants her to stay at her current firm. Janice introduces the firm’s new tech consultant, David (Omar Epps), who Ellie knew in college. David asks her out for a drink and Ellie goes with him. The two hit it off and almost have sex in the bathroom before Ellie calls it off. Unfortunately, it turns out that David is an obsessive stalker who has been focused on Ellie for a long time and has a dangerously violent side. Somehow, this is not particularly interesting.

Even in this shot, both the characters look like they just want to cash a check.

END SUMMARY

A few years ago Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell starred in a Lifetime movie called A Deadly Adoption where the joke of the film was that rather than being a parody Wiig and Ferrell played the film straight. Despite being two comedic geniuses, the movie wasn’t funny, it was just a normal Lifetime movie that wasted a ton of talent through trying to conform to a brand, and that was, itself, kind of a fun idea. This movie seems like it could have been going for the same thing except it appears to be designed to take a series of good actors and make sure that they deliver uninspired performances in a film that manages to be surprisingly boring. 

Again, the look tells me less “dealing with trauma” and more “please say cut.”

A lot of it comes from the fact that Fatal Affair can’t ever decide if there should be a “mystery” element, but then never tries to hide anything in the film. It opens with a double homicide that hides the perpetrator, but at no point in the movie does it suggest that it could be anyone other than David that did it. So, we don’t think David might be a man who is slowly breaking down, we’re instead fully aware that he’s a violent, murderous lunatic right off of the bat. The way that a movie like Fatal Attraction, which this movie clearly is trying to take beats from, works is by focusing on the fact that the main characters and the audience really aren’t aware of exactly how far the stalker is really willing to go. When Fatal Attraction came out 33 years ago, the thing that shocked everyone was how sadistic a seemingly normal person like Alex Forrest (Glenn “Please give her an Oscar” Close) could be. However, this movie can’t duplicate that for four reasons: 

Although this movie has fewer dead bunnies.

First, we already have Fatal Attraction. It’s a powerhouse film that created one of the most iconic characters in cinema. This movie can’t be that movie’s towel boy. Second, that movie actually features an affair. Despite the title of this movie, Ellie only goes out for a drink and then STOPS HERSELF from having sex with David. She doesn’t even have the “affair” required to be a fatal affair. This makes it even more ridiculous that she doesn’t own up to her husband after David starts going crazy. Third, we’re told right from the start that David is crazy and violent. Hell, he’s in mandatory therapy and makes up a relationship in the scene right after he goes out with Ellie. Lastly, everyone in this movie is a moron. Unlike Alex, David isn’t particularly good at covering his tracks on anything and if Ellie were really a resourceful lawyer, she could easily have figured out a dozen ways to get him investigated or arrested. The cops are idiots for not figuring out David murdered people. Ellie’s friend Courtney (Maya Stojan), who dates David, is an idiot for not believing her friend over a guy she’s now dated twice. Everyone is dumb.

This is pretty much the whole “affair.”

Moreover, this movie is just. so. boring. It has Omar Epps in it, an actor I enjoyed in both film and TV, as a psychotic killer, but I still can’t emphasize the fact that I don’t remember almost anything about this movie I just finished watching. All of the lines are removed of any tension by the way that the film is presented. 

I blame the director almost entirely for this movie.

Overall, not a good movie. Not even a fun ironically bad movie, until maybe the third act. Just don’t bother. 

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

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24) Three Stories (House)

Dr. Gregory House (Hugh “Seriously, I have range guys” Laurie) is basically Sherlock Holmes with a medical degree, a Vicodin addiction, and a limp. Never forget that Holmes was a cocaine and morphine addict, kids.

HouseHolmes
Recovering.

Really, making a Holmes medical drama is extra fitting, because the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes was Joseph Bell, a Scottish Surgeon famous for his demonstrations of deductive reasoning. It somehow brings everything full-circle. In addition to being extremely intelligent and observant, House is a Vicodin addict, has a pronounced limp, and is an almost entirely insufferable human being. But, his worth as a diagnostician usually outweighs the difficulty of working with him.

This episode is the closest thing I have to an example of a pataphysical structure. It’s not really one, because it doesn’t quite go far enough, but it’s close. In this episode, we see someone tell a supposedly true story, or three, as it were, that he is seen interacting with, changing things within, and reconfiguring as he goes. It’s not entirely unique in this, but the way it’s presented and what truth is revealed through the stories definitely reframes the episode in a very different way than most television shows would even try. And this is from a show that, aside from a handful of episodes, is known for being formulaic.

House
Not quite this formulaic, but you get the idea.

In a typical episode of House, a patient comes in to the Princeton-Plainsboro teaching hospital with a disease that nobody knows, House and his team, Drs. Foreman (Omar Epps), Cameron (Jennifer Morrison), and Chase (Jesse Spencer), misdiagnose the patient six or seven times before finally figuring out what’s wrong with them. During this process, House makes snarky and mean comments, says dirty/mean things to his boss Dr. Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein), and hangs with/screws up life for his only real friend Dr. Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard). This episode manages to avoid most of that. (Update: Wrote this before adding the image above, but it supports my summary)

SUMMARY

housecarmen.jpgHouse agrees to lecture about diagnostics at the med school in exchange for fewer clinic hours. As part of the lecture, he decides to propose three hypothetical situations based on one single common symptom: Leg pain. The first is a farmer who was bitten by a rattlesnake. The second is a female volleyball player who appears to be having tendinitis. The third is Carmen Electra who has severe leg pain while mini-golfing. Which, according to House, in his combo flashback/story/lesson/fantasy, she was doing while wearing a traditional golfing outfit with short-shorts.

As I said before, the structure of these stories is really interesting. The med students make suggestions, and House’s hypotheticals play out based on them, while also interacting with them himself. It gives the stories a very different feel to have them be both metaphysical and yet physical at the same time to the characters. It creates a weird twist on reality within the show, which builds up to the climax.

houselecture.jpgAs the farmer’s story plays out, the farmer has a reaction to anti-venom, and it’s revealed that he lied about the snake, because his dog bit him. The dog had a prior bite report, so the dog would have to be put down if the farmer told the truth. House uses this to continue his frequent theme of “everybody lies.” Ultimately, the farmer loses his leg to an infection and his dog to euthanasia, but the farmer gets a prosthetic and a new dog. To balance it out, the volleyball player ends up having osteosarcoma, but beats it and keeps her leg.

The third story progresses a little differently. First, Carmen Electra turns out to be a male golfer, who complains of pain until given Demerol, which he grabs out of the nurse’s hand and injects himself. The students, naturally, assume that he’s a drug addict looking for a fix. However, the patient then starts to undergo organ failure, and the med students can’t figure out why, angering House. His team, as well as Wilson and Cuddy, arrive at the lecture, and determine that the patient was suffering from an aneurysm that led to an infarction, before further realizing that this is the story of how House got his limp.

HouseHospitalHouse, in the past, refuses to have his leg amputated, instead opting for a procedure to try and restore function. However, he suffers a heart attack and dies, briefly, seeing the other two stories he’s told during the lecture as visions. Wilson, in the present, asks if he believes the visions were real.

House responds that he finds it comforting to think they were just images his mind conjured as he died, because then all of life isn’t just a test. In the past, House is put into a coma, and his then-girlfriend Stacy will, on the advice of his future-boss Cuddy, subject House to a different surgical procedure than he requested, which results in the chronic leg pain he suffers now, the source of his drug addiction.

END SUMMARY

house_gregory-3
It’s not just because a cane looks classy.

Aside from the format, this episode also receives marks for having a main character reveal his secrets, albeit indirectly, before an audience of strangers. This episode is basically House’s origin story, but, more than that, it’s his confession and his justification for who he is. He’s an atheist, and for a very specific reason. He’s an addict, but he actually is constantly in pain. He’s an asshole to his boss, because he blames her for his situation, and might be right to do so. And, despite thinking that they were just meaningless images, House still used the two other stories as a way to cope with his own fate, and to enable himself to be honest about his past. It ends up being a complex, layered narrative, but Hugh Laurie manages to sell it, and the structure ends up drawing you further in than most stories could.

Also, the title is a pun on three-storied house, so that’s fun.

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House is… difficult to find on a streaming service, but you can buy it on Amazon.