Idle Hands: Not Quite the Devil’s Work – Amazon Review / 13 Reviews of Halloween

Stoner gets dealt the worst hand ever.

SUMMARY (Spoiler-Free)

Anton Tobias (Devon Sawa) is one of the laziest human beings on Earth. He lives with his parents, doesn’t have a job, and just generally smokes pot all day. Shortly before Halloween, his hometown gets attacked by a serial killer that claims Anton’s parents (Fred Willard and Connie Ray). Anton, however, is so oblivious that he misses the bloodstains around the house for several days. After trying to get weed from his friends Mick (Seth Green) and Pnub (Elden Henson) and failing, Anton finally finds his parents’ bodies. Mick and Pnub come over and discover that the killer is, in fact, Anton, or, more accurately, Anton’s right hand, which is now possessed by a demon without his knowledge. The hand (Christopher Hart) then kills Mick and Pnub and tries to kill Anton’s cat, making him run into his neighbor and crush, Molly (Jessica Alba). The two end up making out as Anton covers for his murderous hand. Mick and Pnub come back to life as zombies and the three have to stop the hand from sending Molly to Hell, with a little help from a druidic priestess named Debi (Vivica A. Fox) and Anton’s neighbor Randy (Jack Noseworthy). 

Fun fact: Mick and Pnub are more successful as zombies.

END SUMMARY

I haven’t seen this movie in years, but my first thought on re-watching it was “man, Devon Sawa does some really good physical acting.” Throughout much of the movie, the humor is that he can’t control one of his hands and that he’s constantly fighting against it and he pulls it off pretty well. I know that later in the film, when the hand is cut off, it is played by Christopher Hart, the same actor who played Thing in Addams Family Values, but my understanding is that while it’s attached, all of the strange, angry, and inhuman motions were by Sawa. It’s not quite the level of comedic ability of Steve Martin in All of Me (which everyone should watch) or the amazing robotic movements of Logan Marshall-Green in Upgrade or even the horror/comedy of Evil Dead II, he still does a great job of playing a guy who is literally fighting his own body. I think the fact that I could even try to compare it to all of those great performances speaks highly of his acting. 

Honestly, it’s impressive how much you don’t doubt it.

Anton’s character is fairly different than most horror protagonists. His possession is seemingly a punishment for his sloth and, in order for that to make sense, he has to be far lazier and stupider than almost any normal slacker. He’s so oblivious and focused on getting high that he misses the obvious signs that his parents have been murdered. This level of ridiculous exaggeration should make him unlikeable, but Sawa plays him so naturally hapless that you can still end up rooting for him. 

He’s not a great guy, but he’s not a murderous demon.

Seth Green, Elden Hanson, and Jessica Alba are all great supporting roles. Green and Hanson are both the perfect “slightly more productive” stoners to act as comic relief. Their easy adjustment to being involved in the supernatural, particularly after being resurrected, is particularly humorous, and they’re both naturally great at delivering absurd lines in an amusing way. Alba’s main role is to somehow justify being attracted to Anton despite the fact that he literally never removes any article of clothing he’s wearing in the film over several days. Somehow, she almost makes it seem viable by seeming like she’s kind of an odd duck herself. It’s still insane that any woman, let alone this one, would want to sleep with Anton, but at least her performance lets you move past it.

Fun fact: He hasn’t bathed in 5 days and she wants him bad.

The movie itself suffers from a lot of issues with pacing and never quite nailing the tone. The opening to the film plays out like a legitimate horror movie, but the rest of the film is a farce. Debi and Randy only show up for a few minutes and, with anyone less than Vivica A. Fox, would be completely forgettable. It also relies more on the fact that it has a naturally ridiculous premise to keep it interesting than quality writing. Still, I find the film pretty funny for what it is and I think the hand serves as a pretty decent monster throughout. I can say that it deserves more than the 15% it has on Rotten Tomatoes.

She is a foxy lady. I won’t apologize.

Overall, I’m not going to say that you need to see it, but it’s worthwhile if you’re a horror/comedy fan.

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

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Hulu Review – Crossing Swords: The Dirtiest Show Invoking Fisher Price

The creators of Robot Chicken make a serial about the worst kingdom ever. 

SUMMARY (Spoiler-Free)

Patrick (Nicholas Hoult) is a peasant who wishes to become a knight in order to help people. His siblings, however, are all villains, including the grifter clown Blarney (Tony Hale), the thief Ruben (Adam Ray), and the pirate queen Coral (Tara Strong). Patrick manages to become a squire for King Merriman (Luke Evans) and Queen Tulip (Alanna Ubach), only to find out that they’re both horrible people and their daughter, Blossom (Maya Erskine) is not much better. There’s also the incompetent other squire Broth (Adam Pally) and the shady wizard Blinkerquartz (Seth Green). How does a guy become a good knight when the whole system is broken and corrupt?

This is the logo, but I still think it’s adorable.

END SUMMARY

So, before you watch this show, ask yourself: Did you ever want to see those Fisher Price Little People naked? Not just, like, without paint, but with drawn-on genitals. If so, then you have found your new happy place. Go and enjoy this new treat. If you answered no to that question, ask yourself how disturbed you were by someone even asking that? If you’re saying “very” then you probably aren’t going to like this show. However, if you’re not too disgusted by that, you may well like this show.

Also, hope you like a lot of awkward death.

The humor on this show is mostly based around a massive and fairly graphic subversion of the medieval chivalric ideal. Rather than the Arthurian Knights of the Round Table, everyone in the kingdom here is selfish and, honestly, pretty gross from the very beginning. The King and Queen are constantly cheating on each other, the squires frequently cheat to get ahead, and almost every episode points out that the ruling class pretty much constantly avoid doing anything decent for the poor. I will admit that sometimes that led me to chuckle, particularly when one of the King’s advisors reminds him that, without social safety nets or elections, the people’s only option is to revolt and murder him. Meanwhile, Patrick constantly brings attention to the shitty state of the lower-class.

Galahad never did as many kegstands.

The humor in the show is sophomoric, much like Robot Chicken, but it always has a level of inherent situational humor that comes from the fact that all of the characters are just painted pegs. They don’t have hands, so all of the objects they hold just appear to be floating in front of them, which sometimes creates a fun effect. There is a surprising amount of nudity, but an unsurprisingly large amount of swearing. Unlike many other series, though, they often do use the adult content for more than just shock value, which makes sense given that they’re just drawn-on genitals. The show is a serial, with the events of each of the episodes feeding into the next, and actually leading to a finale that is a culmination of most of the events of the season in a satisfying way. Still, each episode’s plot is usually pretty funny on its own.

I mean, he has water wings but no arms. Adorable.

Overall, I honestly thought this show was amusing and has just the right blend of commentary and comedy. 

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

If you enjoy these, please, like, share, tell your friends, like the Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/JokerOnTheSofa/), follow on Twitter @JokerOnTheSofa, and just generally give me a little bump. I’m not getting paid, but I like to get feedback.

Halloween Review/Amazon Prime Review – Ticks: The Most Early-90s Horror Movie Ever Made

Alfonso Ribeiro of Fresh Prince, Rosalind Allen of SeaQuest DSV, Seth Green, and Peter Scolari of Bosom Buddies star in a movie about mutant ticks.

SUMMARY

It’s California and it’s the 90s and the greatest threat to the world is Marihuana (Spelled that way at one point in the movie, no joke), followed by Steroids, apparently. Drug grower Jarvis Tanner (Clint Howard) is using steroids to grow stronger cannabis, but it turns out that the runoff has made the ticks in the area gigantic and given them a neurotoxin that’s akin to LSD. 

Ticks - 1Clint.png
He’s one of those infamous tea-drinking cash croppers.

In Los Angeles, Tyler Burns (Seth Green), a boy whose father once abandoned him in the woods for two days, is forced by that same father to go on a wilderness retreat in order to cure him of his fear of the woods and being alone… that he got from when his dad got drunk and abandoned, alone, him in the woods. And no, no one ever goes “wait, your dad got drunk and left you in the woods and HE’S telling YOU to just get over it?” Oh, and he drops him off under an overpass in downtown LA.  In the early 90s. When violent crime peaked and roughly at the time of the Rodney King riots. I assume that his father wants him to die, is what I’m saying.

Ticks - 2Dropoff.png
Parenting: Not all of them need to live, right?

The wilderness retreat is run by Holly Lambert (Rosalind Allen) and Charles Danson (Peter Scolari), and includes several fellow campers: “Thug” Darrel “Panic” Lumley (Alfonso Ribeiro), Rich girl Dee Dee Davenport (Ami “my dad was in the Monkees” Dolenz), Dee Dee’s boyfriend her parents hate for being Hispanic Rome Hernandez (Ray Oriel), mostly mute rape-survivor Kelly Mishimoto (Sina Dayrit), and Charles’ daughter, Melissa (Virginya Keeyne). While stopping on the way into the woods, the group meets local pot growers Redneck Jerry (Barry Lynch) and a British cross between Gary Busey and Gilderoy Lockhart called Sir (Michael Medeiros). 

Ticks - 4Group.png
“Yo Chuck, these burgers ain’t half-bad” – A line someone thought someone else would say.

At camp, Tyler discovers a giant tick egg in the cabin and destroys it. Later, in the woods, he finds a giant tick on Melissa’s back and kills it, but when they report it Charles dismisses it as normal. Panic’s dog Brutus is attacked by a tick, leading Panic to quit the retreat and head off into the woods. Tyler and Charles take Brutus to a vet (Judy Jean Berns), where a giant tick pops out of him, killing the dog before the vet kills the tick. Panic gets lost in the woods until he’s attacked by a tick that burrows inside him and makes him hallucinate. He ends up finding Jerry and Sir’s pot farm, leading Sir to shoot him and also accidentally start a forest fire. To survive the shooting, Panic downs a bag of steroids he stole from Rome. 

Ticks - 5Tick.png
It’s alive!!! IT’S ALIVE!!!!!

Dee Dee finds Jarvis in the woods, infested with ticks, before he dies. She gets bitten by a tick and is rescued by Rome back to the cabin. Melissa and Kelly go fishing and find that the local Sheriff (Rance Howard) has been killed by Sir and Jerry. Everyone ends up back in the cabin as the fire that Sir started forces the ticks towards them. Charles lets Sir and Jerry in, but Panic arrives and tells them Sir shot him before dying. Sir shoots Charles and forces Jerry to go and get the van so they can escape. A tick kills Jerry and he crashes the van into the cabin. Sir forces everyone to hide by trying to shoot them, before a man-sized Tick bursts out and kills Sir. Tyler manages to fight off the ticks, get to the van, and rescue everyone, before the supertick attacks Rome. Tyler sets it on fire and drives off with everyone. Back in the city, a giant tick egg falls out of the van.

END SUMMARY

This movie is so very, very bad in all the best ways, bringing it right back to awesome.

First of all, this movie clearly tried to make sure that none of the characters were in the same social group. In the ‘90s everyone was trying to make sure that diversity was in every film and this one goes above and beyond. We have a protagonist group made up of almost every race, class, and background, none of which really has any impact on the movie. We have a kid with trauma who frequently shows no signs of it. A rape victim who stays silent until the movie decides “okay, she can talk now” and then NOTHING IS EVER SAID ABOUT IT AGAIN. Then we have Panic, who is supposedly an inner-city tough guy who still goes on retreats with these yuppies, with no explanation as to how that happened. The fact that he’s played by Alfonso Ribeiro makes it ambiguous as to whether he was actually just a softy, or that Alfonso Ribeiro just isn’t capable of playing a tough guy. Hell, even the villains are a dirty redneck and an English guy who’s obsessed with his appearance, two groups that just don’t seem to mesh without some sort of explanation. This part of the 90s really focused on saying “these people totally hang out, but we don’t want to explain anything about how that happened.” I’m not saying diversity is bad, I would advocate the opposite, but, screenwriters, it’s actually interesting to hear how groups like this come together, or at least see signs of it, rather than just going “we made this character Asian, are you happy now?”

Ticks - 7Victim.png
She’s a rape victim who is too traumatized to speak, but then casually talks about rape. Dafuq.

The special effects in this movie are actually not as bad as I would have expected. Sure, none of the ticks look real, but they all look sufficiently gross and alien to get the point across. They also squish in a disgusting way that makes me kind of squeamish. The “fake blood and guts” budget was pretty sizable, is what I mean. The final scene of the tick bursting out of Alfonso Ribeiro looks simultaneously fake and satisfyingly unnerving. 

Ticks - 8Head.png
They try to keep it in the dark, but… it’s a bad fake head.

The performances in the film are all cheesy, but they’re above what you’d expect for a low-budget horror movie. Given that Clint and Rance Howard, Ron Howard’s brother and father, respectively, are in the movie, I’m assuming that someone on the film had enough clout to get the other people on the film as a favor. I mean, most of these people peaked in the 80s and 90s, aside from Seth Green, but that means this film happened when they all actually could have gotten other work. 

Ticks - 9SirJerry.png
These two deserve their own show.

However, the MVP for this film is the person that did the closed captions. This is only half a movie if you have them off. First of all, whoever did it does not know what a car horn is, because whenever one goes off, it’s just called “background noise.” Second, it inconsistently goes between describing sounds and doing onomatopoetic renderings of them. Some of the best ones include “Terk-er-Terk-er-Terk-er,”  “Chucka-Chucka-Chucka,” and “simple engine chugging” all for the sound of an engine, “thick liquid splatting” and “ploop” for the sounds of tick eggs falling, and the absolute, uncontested, best sound effect description in the history of cinema:

Ticks - 6SFX.png
“Oh. Right. Those.” – Every human.

The weirdest thing about this movie is that it clearly suggests that everything that happens is as a result of steroids and marijuana. The application of steroids to cannabis is what makes the ticks in the first place, then the man-sized tick comes from Panic’s body being filled with steroids. Now, I’m not saying that steroid abuse isn’t bad, but… it’s still freaking ridiculous to make a monster movie with that as the cause. I mean, people on steroids don’t suddenly get 20 times larger and they certainly don’t get more fertile. Pot doesn’t make people aggressive and I don’t believe it has that effect on any animals, either. It’s just such a sign of when this movie was made that those things could be the source of the monster. 

Ticks - 3Marihuana
These people believed Reefer Madness.

Overall, I will say, this is a must-see for fans of bad monster movies. Really, you’ve got to check it out, if only for Alfonso Ribeiro trying to be a thug. It’s one of the best things I’ve seen. And make sure to keep the captions on, because they are just a treat.

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All TimeCollection of TV EpisodesCollection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

If you enjoy these, please, like, share, tell your friends, like the Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/JokerOnTheSofa/), follow on Twitter @JokerOnTheSofa, and just generally give me a little bump. I’m not getting paid, but I like to get feedback.

25) Blue Harvest (Family Guy)

Family Guy is a rip-off of The Simpsons. Down deep, even they know it. Or, maybe they just have flat admitted it on the show, because no one cares anymore.

Most of the time, I would argue that Family Guy never reached the level of wit and FamilyGuyBlueHarvest.jpgoriginality that came from The Simpsons seasons 2-9, partially because they had the benefit of watching those episodes, which raises the bar a bit. But, this episode, despite literally being a re-make and parody of Star Wars: A New Hope, manages to be extremely clever and original.

SUMMARY

The show re-casts the movie with the Griffin family: Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Stewie, and Brian (Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein, Mila “I never return Joker’s letters” Kunis, Seth Green, MacFarlane, and MacFarlane again). The episode starts with them watching TV when a blackout hits. In order to entertain his family, Peter decides to tell the story of the Star Wars, beginning with Part IV.

Alright, so, I’m not going to allege that a parody of Star Wars is wholly original. This was 2007. Spaceballs had been out for 20 years. The Muppet Show had an episode with Mark Hamill. The finale of the Animaniacs/Tiny Toons animated universe was a parody called “Star Warners.” Even Muppet Babies had done one.

FamilyGuyMuppetBabies
Yes. This happened.

 But, unlike all of those, this one is just Star Wars. Spaceballs, while a parody of Star Wars, and an amazing movie, just takes elements of the Trilogy and uses them to tell its own story. But this is not really an episode of the show inspired by Star Wars, this is just the movie A New Hope with the main characters of Family Guy playing the roles, and some jokes worked organically into the narrative. If you watch this episode, you get the gist of the movie, because it’s all of the key scenes, just played a little off-kilter.

ForceAwakens.jpg
It was slightly more original than when Disney Re-made it, though. (Kidding, loved TFA)

For example, it starts with the opening crawl, which, while it does technically summarize the gist of Star Wars, also contains a hilarious tangent that ends up being a stream-of-consciousness commentary about Angelina Jolie and catching the lesbian scene from Gia on HBO. That really sets the tone for this, where the scene that they’re parodying will quickly be conveyed in order to buy more time for them to lampoon it quickly.

Gia
The emphasis in the crawl is not on “lam,” however.

It’s this loving dedication to the movie itself that really makes it worthwhile, because this is a balance of showing the love for something and also recognizing that it is still flawed. Pointing out the almost total lack of female characters aside from Leia, pointing out that it’s kind of ridiculous that, in a super advanced society, R2-D2 needs to carry a message manually instead of just transmitting it, pointing out that the most notable casualty on the Death Star run is a guy named Porkins who is also really fat, pointing out that the Empire decides not to blow up an escape pod just because “there aren’t any life forms aboard,” etc. These are all things that come from acknowledging that Star Wars isn’t without its weak points.

prequels.jpg
Later, it would become its own weak points.

Conversely, they still manage to work in some jokes that rely on the Family Guy continuity, such as having Herbert the Pervert play Obi-Wan Kenobi, which results in a humorous twist on the generic mentor/mentee relationship between him and Luke FamilyGuyDroidsSkywalker. Having Brian play Chewbacca removes Chewie’s usual ambiguous growling and his movie relationship with Han Solo and instead replaces it with Brian and Peter’s brand of idiot/pretentious pseudo-intellectual friendship, but that really only serves to highlight how we never know exactly what relationship Han and Chewie have, in terms of balance of power. The same is true by giving R2-D2 and C-3PO Quagmire and Cleveland’s personalities, it both shakes up their relationship, but also reminds us that, since we never know exactly what R2 says, we don’t know exactly what is going on between them.

And then there are the random gags that serve to replace or speed up some of the slower parts of the movie. These are some of the weaker parts of the episode at times, but, at the same time, they manage to at least provide a break for fans of the movie to feel a bit of a tone shift so that it doesn’t JUST feel like watching Star Wars. Despite that, the episode has only a single Family Guy cutaway gag, all the other ones are actually worked into the scene. Plus, they had the discipline to not include Carrie Fisher, despite the fact that she was a recurring character in Family Guy (though, they broke down at Return of the Jedi, but, then, so did Seth McFarlane’s desire to continue). (update: Rest in Peace, you wonderful genius).

END SUMMARY

This episode manages to create a very unique experience. While the episode itself ends with the characters pointing out that other shows have done Star Wars episode, this one manages to stand out, and that’s impressive on its own. Add in the fact that they got Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo to reprise their roles as Clark and Ellen Griswold from the Vacation movies, and you’ve got an hour of comedy gold.

PREVIOUS – 26a: Rick and Morty

NEXT – 24: House

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All Time or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews

If you enjoy these, please, like, share, tell your friends, like the Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/JokerOnTheSofa/), follow on Twitter @JokerOnTheSofa, and just generally give me a little bump. I’m not getting paid, but I like to get feedback.