Wedding Bell Blurbs – The Office “Niagara”/Schitt’s Creek “Happy Ending”

Well, it’s a two-for-one final review before we tie the knot.

SUMMARY

The Office – “Niagara” – Well, it’s been a few months and Jim and a pregnant Pam are finally tying the knot. Unfortunately, they also invited the entire office, including Michael Scott, who didn’t realize how wedding blocks work, and thus doesn’t have a room at the hotel. Concerned that one of them will reveal Pam’s pregnancy and ruin the wedding, Jim warns them all, only for him to accidentally reveal it when he gets tongue-tied during a toast. Meanwhile, Dwight hooks up with Pam’s friend Isabella, only to mistreat her the next day and try to get another lady, Kevin loses his shoes, and Michael is forced to sleep in the vending area. However, Pam and Jim, at the end of their respective ropes after so many things go wrong, manage to sneak away and get married in secret at Niagara Falls, before returning and dealing with the rest of the ceremony and reception. Also, Michael ends up seducing Pam’s mom.

Schitt’s Creek – “Happy Ending” – It’s David’s wedding day and the day before the other Roses leave Schitt’s creek for California. David awakens to find out that a huge storm has wrecked his venue and prevented the officiant from being able to make it. The rest of the town scrambles to make alternate arrangements. In an effort to help him relax, David is treated to a massage by his fiance, Patrick, only for the masseuse to give David a “happy ending.” The wedding manages to happen, with Moira officiating, and everyone gets a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful send-off.

END SUMMARY

Q: Hold on, I need a minute to regain composure.

J: Take your time, we edit these. Or we should, anyway. 

Q: I’ve seen both of these already and still, they got me so good. The Schitt’s Creek finale is so short. I forgot how short those episodes are, while The Office gave us a two-parter, which was honestly necessary with the very large cast of those episodes.

J: I feel like Schitt’s Creek could handle it because they’d pretty much wrapped up the rest of the series so the only thing that needed to happen was the wedding itself, whereas The Office was just giving us a mid-season two-parter which finale gave us the Jim and Pam wedding we’d been expecting for like 5 seasons. 

Q: So long! We’d been waiting for that wedding for SO LONG! Which made the gross-out cold open that much bigger. “We know you came here to cry, but this is still a comedy show.” I think about that choice a lot. I truly did not expect it.

J: I don’t think anyone has ever said the writers of these shows didn’t know what they were doing. But yeah, the cold open of everyone puking because they don’t want to help Pam avoid nausea is hilarious. I still think the most impressive part is that Creed Bratton continues to just eat noodles and enjoy the show while everyone is hurling. He was one of the best characters on that show because they only used him when they had something good for him. But yeah, it’s a perfect way to open a romantic episode.

Q: And I mean, it’s not just the cold open – literally everything is going wrong, but not always in the way you expect. Jim and Pam remind everyone in the office not to spill the beans on Pam’s pregnancy, and then JIM slips while giving a toast at the rehearsal dinner, causing Pam’s Meemaw to threaten not to attend the wedding. Incredible. Andy injures himself trying to impress Erin and Pam, the only sober person available, has to drive him to the hospital. Michael misunderstands hotel blocks and has to sleep in the ice room. Pam’s veil snags and she dissolves into tears. It’s a series of unfortunate events, although really not too far out of the realm of real world possibility for wedding hijinks..

J: Jim revealing the pregnancy after warning a group of the most inept human beings, at least half of whom constantly reveal secrets, was genius. They did truly make a nightmare wedding scenario throughout the episode, but it all works out, because that’s what usually happens with problems during a wedding. You find a way to make them work. Granted, the botched wedding day is a staple of sitcoms, but still, this one is one of the best because it doesn’t go as crazy as some others (like Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s bomb scare or the blizzard from Friends).  

Q: The Schitt’s Creek wedding is also very much “wedding comedy of errors” – rain ruins their outdoor venue and prevents their officiant from attending, so Moira has to step in as officiant. Johnny has to come up with an alternate venue. Since the wedding color scheme is black and white, Alexis had accidentally ordered herself a wedding dress for her attire and she at first vehemently denies that it’s a wedding dress. But of course, most memorably, Patrick arranges for a massage for notoriously neurotic David, and the massage therapist misunderstands his instructions and gives David a “happy ending.” I love that scene because not only is it hilarious, to me it’s a scene that would only happen in a queer show. There just isn’t a heteronormative way to use “I accidentally got a hand job from a masseuse because I thought you had arranged it for me” in a feel-good comedy show. And then calling back to that scene in the ceremony? Priceless.

J: I mean, it’s a triple-entendre, because it’s a reference to a “happy ending,” a “happy ending” for the characters, and a “happy ending” for the show. Amazing that Dan Levy wrote this in three hours. I mean, when you’re on a roll, you’re on a roll. I’d be surprised if the Office didn’t take a lot longer. They were meticulous about scripts and were not happy with a lot of improving or ad-libbing the way that Schitt’s Creek was. Also the episode is twice the length, but not counting that. I can’t imagine spending three hours and having crafted something as funny as Moira coming out dressed as a viking pope with a hat rim of hair, let alone the rest of the episode.

Q: That’s so interesting because I never would have guessed that The Office, with its mockumentary, naturalistic feel, would be more tightly scripted than Schitt’s Creek.

Both of these episodes have instant “burst into tears” moments for me. In Schitt’s Creek, they tend to be tear jerkers immediately followed by a laugh, so you are literally laughing through your tears. It starts when Alexis is waiting to walk David down the aisle, and she finally admits that what she is wearing is a wedding dress and she’s afraid that she’s ruined the wedding, and David says to her, “For what it’s worth, I am continuously impressed by you. Now can you please walk me down the aisle before people lose interest?” And then I just cry through Patrick and David’s vows until “…Patrick Brewer, you are my happy ending.”

In Niagara, we had to have Jim ruin the wedding first by spilling the beans on Pam’s pregnancy, and then being too drunk to help bring Andy to the hospital. But when Pam is crying over her torn veil and he grabs a pair of scissors and clips his tie? I’m a mess. And then he whisks her away to elope on the Maid of the Mist (which is a real thing you can do but you have to bring your own officiant) because he knew their coworkers and friends were going to ruin their actual wedding. And then we get that talking head where Jim reveals “I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we’d need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.”

Anyway, now I’m crying again.

J: I agree with you on the “continuously impressed” line, because it encompasses the entire relationship with these two over the show. They’ve gone from contentious spoiled brats to a pair of close-knit adult siblings. It works really well. As for the torn veil, I love Jim’s response, although I don’t think it brings me to tears, and I absolutely love the Maid of the Mist and the Plan A line. I also appreciate that neither episode ends on the saccharine lines, because they’re still comedy shows. Just like they came in, they went out with a laugh. In Schitt’s Creek, we see that the town sign now shows Moira appearing to bang Johnny in the backside and in the Office, we get an interview with Kevin that is funny and disgusting, but results in the reveal that Michael is banging Pam’s mom, something that sets up a very funny episode later in the season. 

These episodes represent some of the best work from two great comedy shows. 

And this represents the last of these reviews, because we’re getting married now! Hopefully I’ll start reviewing again in the future, because I do miss it.

Q: Your public misses you. But they’ll have to wait a little bit longer, you’re mine now.

J: I wouldn’t have it any other way, my love.

BRIDESMAIDS – Wedding Bell Blurbs

The comedy that made men say “Wow, women can be funny” and women become angry at men saying that.

SUMMARY

Annie Walker (Kristen Wiig) is having a rough spot in her financial, social, and personal life, aside from her best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph). When Lillian gets engaged to her boyfriend Dougie (Tim Heidecker), Annie becomes her maid of honor along with the other bridesmaids: Long-married and long-suffering Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey), Dougie’s crude sister Megan (Melissa McCarthy), naive newlywed Becca (Ellie Kemper), and Dougie’s boss’s wife Helen (Rose Byrne). Unfortunately, Annie quickly finds out that Helen wants to be Lillian’s new bestie and a game of one-upswomanship begins, with hilarity ensuing. At the same time, Annie manages to dump her not-really-a-friend with benefits-and-a-half Ted (Jon Hamm) and get the attention of charming Irish cop Nathan (Chris O’Dowd). Hilarity ensues there, too.

END SUMMARY

Q: Bridesmaids: Girls can do gross out comedies too!

J: It’s kind of crazy that it took until 2011 for anyone to prove that as a concept. But yes, this is a very funny movie in which a woman defecates herself in the middle of the street while wearing a wedding dress and it is freaking hilarious. You really have to give credit to the writing that even though this film contains some absolutely juvenile comedy, it still feels really original and funny. It helps that Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig were also probably able to rely on the women improvising on set to kick things up a notch. They were from the Groundlings, after all.

Q: Yeah, I meant to look up how much of it was improvised. It really comes out in some of the dialogue.

J: You know it had to be a lot. You don’t get a cast with this many great improvisers and not let them do their thing. Hell, apparently Rebel Wilson’s audition was an hour-long improv. 

Q: Yeah, this is an absolute knockout ensemble cast. Although it is strange how many people from the British Isles seem to be living in Milwaukee, of all places?

J: Because Milwaukee is the London of Wisconsin and Wisconsin is the UK of the US? Or maybe just because they just liked British and Australian TV.

Q: I’m guessing that’s it. Good on them, as they say, I think. Rebel Wilson’s tattoo in the beginning really set the stage for, “this isn’t your typical chick flick. We didn’t come here to play nice.” It’s not for everyone, of course. I mentioned to a coworker that I had rewatched this movie recently and she told me that she turned it off early in the film because the crassness was too much for her. I didn’t ask, but I have to assume it was that bridal salon scene.

J: Honestly, I think opening with the ridiculous sex scene between Wiig and Jon Hamm set a high bar, but yeah, the tattoo kicks it up a notch. Then we get Maya Rudolph and the rest of the cast. I forgot how perfectly Wendi McLendon-Covey and Ellie Kemper play off of each other as the bitter long-married spouse and the excited newlywed. Then there’s Rose Byrne.

Q: I can’t believe you forgot how awful Rose Byrne was, but I think it makes sense because it’s such a specific type of mean girl one-upping that I don’t think most cis straight men would experience. I’m impressed that she apparently got into some of the improv too. I love that this film highlights the inherent awkwardness of having a varied group of people in a bridal party together. I’m not having a formal bridal party and neither did my sister, but at my sister’s bachelorette there was definitely a bit of a divide between awkward, nerdy me and her very cool and put-together friends. I hope she doesn’t mind me saying that, I still had a good time and I got to call you and have a whole bachelorette party wish you happy birthday.

J: I thought Helen was just an out-of-touch rich girl, but no, she’s full-on malicious. Also, yeah, the variety in Bachelor Party members can be interesting, but I only had to blend nerds with slightly-less-nerds, because those are the two categories of my friends. I think the ensemble cast does a great job here and I really think it helps that everyone has really fun moments. That said, there’s a reason why so many people talked about Melissa McCarthy after this film. She steals about five scenes and they’re so memorable. Her character is maybe the most exaggerated, but also still someone you’ve either met or heard about from friends. She’s too much on several levels, but she’s far from stupid. 

Q: I honestly really loved that after Annie (Kristen Wiig) has truly hit bottom, that it’s Megan (Melissa McCarthy) that has to pull her out of her slump and call her out on her self-pity spiral. “You’re your problem, Annie. And you’re also your solution.” I feel like in a lot of girl movies, it would be Chris O’Dowd’s character, the love interest, who would play that role. And he does actually try to push her a little earlier in the film! Unfortunately his intentions are good, but his timing and methods are terrible. He doesn’t really end up helping to save Annie at all. Megan has to give her a pep talk, in a moment that actually made me pretty emotional the second time around, as someone who feels like a perpetual fuckup. Annie has to accept help. Her mom takes her in, she has to forgive Helen (Rose Byrne), get Chris O’Dowd’s attention long enough so he can help her find Lillian (but he still doesn’t forgive Annie yet), and Annie has to patch up her relationship with Lillian (Maya Rudolph) and save the wedding. And then we still get that romantic payoff in the end, but Annie ultimately wasn’t saved by a relationship here. Her relationship with Rhodes (Chris O’Dowd) is part of her redemption journey, but first it’s just another thing she’s screwing up with avoidant behavior. That “COME ON” he lets out when Ted (Jon Hamm) pulls up to rescue Annie is just perfect. Unrelated, but Chris O’Dowd can pull me over anytime. 

J: He is a charming man. Apparently, they were going to have him do an American accent, but then they decided to just let him keep his adorable Irish one. I love that they contrast the sex scene between him and Jon Hamm by having O’Dowd ask what she wants, as opposed to Hamm being focused on his needs, and by having her sleep in naturally, as opposed to getting up and doing her morning routine and then pretending to wake up looking perfect. Of course, because it’s a film, even her “natural” appearance is still heavily made-up. Also, she takes her bra off during sex with O’Dowd, which apparently was supposed to symbolize letting herself be vulnerable. Oh, and the fact that she comes up with “George Glass” as a fake name when trying to make Hamm jealous is still hilarious to me, because that’s the name of Jan Brady’s fake boyfriend on the Brady Bunch, and when she realizes that her face is so perfect. Can we also give props to Wiig’s perfect performances during the plane and bridal shower scenes? 

Q: Kristen Wiig was already a star on SNL at this point, but this was the proof that not only could she star in a movie, she could absolutely crush it. She wasn’t just a character actress. But speaking of the plane scene, you commented while we were watching that Lillian should have been more considerate of Annie’s fear of flying and lack of money when planning the bachelorette. Although when I think about it, it was Helen who sabotaged Annie’s original plan for the bachelorette, since the maid of honor is technically supposed to plan the bachelorette. I am trying to plan my own because I’m a control freak, but I do feel like I was trying to be super budget-conscious, although for my benefit as well as others. I do like that you see Lillian getting a bit swept up in the wedding hype and then get overwhelmed by all the spending, because that’s extremely real.

J: I mean, I asked people to come to Orlando for my bachelor party and go to a theme park with an expensive dinner. I probably should have put more thought into budgeting, but also I invited people who are pretty well along in their careers, so hopefully it wasn’t too rough on their budgets. I know they’re too nice to tell me if it was. I still feel like if I’d asked everyone to go to Vegas, that would have been too far, and that’s without asking people for first-class tickets or whatever kind of hotel Helen would require to match her sensibilities. God, she is so hateable for someone who is mostly just kind of dickish, because she’s dickish in a way that constantly reminds you that she has too much money to know what to do with it. She accidentally almost ruins the wedding by insisting on stuff she sees as “essential” but really is just elitist. 

Q: I appreciate that we see early on in the tennis scene when Helen’s kids absolutely trash her, where it’s all kind of coming from! She is so lonely and sad and jealous of Annie’s friendship with Lillian and that’s why she has to be the absolute most. From the posts I’ve seen in my bride groups, weddings can truly bring out the worst in people, and I don’t just mean the bride. It’s this big pageant that can bring out every insecurity that someone has. Insecurities about one’s body, how much money you have, how many friends you have, your relationship or lack thereof, with your family, in your relationship with your partner or your singleness… it’s a lot and I appreciate that this movie touches on that. 

J: Yeah, although a lot of movies focus on the monetary and physical drain of the wedding on the family or the father, this one does bring up a lot more about the insecurities of the bride and her close friends. It’s a solid film that made a big impact for a reason: At its core, it’s about trying to move forward with life, whether it’s getting married, getting your career back on track, or gaining new friends. It just happens to do that while also having a woman crap herself in the street in a wedding gown and another woman getting thrown off of a flight for being too high (which, let’s be honest, doesn’t make sense if you’ve ever been on a flight). It’s a funny movie, but the comedy wouldn’t shine as bright without the sincere moments. 

Q: Everything really comes together to bring it between these extremes – the writing, the direction, the (again) incredibly strong ensemble. I mentioned that I was rewatching this film recently and a friend told me they couldn’t make it through the movie due to some of the gross-out moments earlier in the film, which I totally get. And I think some of the cringe humor may be rough to handle these days. But if those things aren’t a problem for you, I think it still holds up pretty well.

J: Agreed. 

When Harry Met Sally… – Wedding Bell Blurbs

You say a great film, I say a great film.

PLOT SUMMARY

Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) meet by chance as they agree to drive together from the University of Chicago to New York City. The two end up separating and not speaking for years, only to periodically run into each other for a decade. Over the years, they end up becoming friends, inadvertently connect their best friends Jess and Marie with each other (Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fisher, may she forever reign in heaven), fight, and eventually become lovers. The course of true love never did run smooth.

END SUMMARY

J: I have watched this movie since I was a kid because it was one of the only VHS tapes we had around and it will never cease to amaze me how well done this movie is. It’s like Back to the Future or Puss in Boots 2 or any number of other films where the film itself is just done so well that half of you wants to applaud for managing to tie all of the elements (writing, acting, cinematography, music, etc.) together and make something amazing. This film has no weak points. It was a masterpiece when it came out, it’s a masterpiece today. There’s a reason it’s on 5 different American Film Institute Lists. It even starts with one of the most unique framing devices in film: Interviews of actors telling the story of real couples. 

Q: Honestly jealous that someone came up with that conceit before I could have. I love adding documentary elements into narrative films. Just in general, I want to write films like this. The crackling, razor-sharp, brutally honest while also hilariously funny dialogue. Having conversations about relationships that hold up so well even after all this time. I’m so inspired and so envious. I really want to read a book or an oral history about the making of this movie.

J: I’m sure there’s one out there. There are also probably special features on the Blu-ray, too, which I might buy. One thing I do know is that this film took so long to write that while Nora Ephron was writing it, Rob Reiner managed to get hired and direct both Stand By Me and The Princess Bride (side note: That’s a hell of a trio!). Sometimes greatness happens instantly, sometimes it takes a lot of time and collaboration. Of those three films, this was the only original one, which really shows how you can build a great story from the ground up. She and Reiner changed the plot apparently a number of times. Ephron got the real-life stories by trying to find inspiration at some points, apparently, and she and Reiner picked the ones that matched the segments of the movie best. Ephron ended up producing one of the funniest, cutest, and, honestly, tightest scripts out there. This movie conveys a lot to you in 90 minutes.

Q: I noticed too that the movie was very much inspired by Rob Reiner’s experience dating post-divorce, Nora Ephron and Billy Crystal both took quite a bit of inspiration from chatting with him. And apparently Billy Crystal stayed in an apartment by himself to get in Harry’s lonely, divorced mindset.

I want to dive into the film’s central question of “can men and women be friends?” And obviously this question is, can men who are attracted to women, and women who are attracted to men, be friends with each other. I love this film so much and it holds up so well, but I can’t help but think, upon seeing it a second time, that the lead characters are an odd example to explore this question – they’re immediately attracted to each other!

J: Well, Sally would deny that she was attracted to Harry, but it’s really hard to reject the chemistry between them. Hell, her friends even quote The Lady Vanishes (Hitchcock FTW!) to her and she clearly always remembers him. Also, it’s hard not to be attracted to Harry, even when he’s being annoying, because he’s clever and passionate. As to whether men and women can be friends without the sex getting in the way, I would say that the question implies that wanting to sleep with someone, or even sleeping with them, means you can’t be their friend and, while it’s not the easiest thing in the world, it can be done if both parties communicate well about it. Just because a person thinks you’re hot, doesn’t mean they aren’t your friend. However, a lot of guys will pretend to be a girl’s “friend” so they can hopefully sleep with them, which creates a lot of bad press for men/women friendships.

Q: Okay that was the other thought I had too, that being attracted to your friend doesn’t mean you can’t be their friend! Of course there are plenty of unscrupulous people, mostly men, as you mentioned. I think part of the problem is that men are taught they can’t be vulnerable ever, and the only way they’re sort of allowed to be vulnerable is through sex, and so the only people they can be vulnerable with is the women they have sex with, but if you’re too vulnerable then you’re “whipped” or whatever. Sometimes this leads to men making their female partners their therapists, and sometimes men will deliberately avoid emotional intimacy with women they sleep with out of a fear of attachment. But a lot of men have difficulty grasping the concept of non-sexual intimacy. I’ve thought a lot about how panicked Harry looked after he and Sally finally hooked up, while she was totally comfortable. He is in the habit of keeping this emotional wall between him and the women he sleeps with, but this is someone he already has a strong emotional bond with! He has no idea what to do with that.

J: You nailed it. He has no context for what he’s doing now, despite having been married. This is the most significant relationship of his life and all he can think is that he has ruined it. The scene where he agrees that it was a mistake is great, because she’s so offended, even though she is the one who says it first. Because she doesn’t really believe it was a mistake, and neither does he, but he’s unable to conceive of it not being a wall blocking his friendship from resuming. A big part of why these two work so well in this situation is that they’re exact opposites. Sally, like her name, is generally all bright and chipper, while Harry is somber and cynical, like George Burns. I love when the characters’ names are signs of who they are. Bonus points for the fact that when they’re introduced, Sally has 70s blonde hair with extra blonde and Harry is sporting big sideburns. The opposites attract trope is in full swing in this movie.

Q: Underscored by the use of “Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off” in the soundtrack! There’s so much denial of feelings in this movie: Harry pretending he didn’t recognize Sally the second time he ran into her. Sally pretending Harry didn’t recognize her. When Sally finally asks Harry out to dinner and he asks if they’re becoming friends and says he doesn’t want to sleep with her. I thought he was maybe saying that to fuck with her, but now I’m not so sure. Has he convinced himself?

J: Honestly, he probably has just resigned himself to it and doesn’t reconsider it because, if he did, he thinks he’d be risking a unique friendship.

Q: I think that’s a very real fear. I think it’s very possible for exes and ex-hookups to be friends, but it’s impossible to guarantee. 

J: Oh yeah, absolutely. It’s also true that Harry having a close female friend gives him insight into women better than he has ever had and that helps his other relationships, something that gives him an added incentive to not screw it up with Sally. I mean, she even teaches him that perhaps he’s not as good of a judge of how much his lovers are enjoying themselves. Yeah, we’ve gotta talk about that scene.

Q: Sure, I’ll have what you’re having. What an iconic scene. I didn’t even realize it was a mirror to the beginning of the film when Harry eggs Sally into loudly defending the quality of her sex life in a busy diner, until you pointed it out. It’s also one of the best examples of how well this film holds up. The dialogue in this scene rings just as true as if those lines were being spoken in the present. Apparently they spent all day filming this scene, which sounds like a nightmare, but boy does Meg Ryan kill it.

J: In the earlier scene, Harry embarrasses her and mocks her sexual inexperience about not having “great sex.” In this scene, Sally is completely unphased afterwards, while Harry feels awkward and has now been put in his place about his own sexual naivety. Also, while her orgasm is iconic, and she does nail it, I also love Harry’s fake sign language for “faking orgasm.” So much of this movie is based on callbacks and foreshadowing, like the Christmas montages or the New Years Eve parties. It makes it easy to track the characters’ relationships and their feelings. 

Q: Props to Estelle Reiner for delivering one of the best lines in film history.

I want to talk about Jess and Marie too, especially since I love Carrie Fisher. There’s something about Sally having this friend who can’t shake an obsession with a married man, has a literal rolodex of eligible bachelors in New York, but serendipitously meets the right guy and boom, she’s happily married. She has so many great lines in this movie: “Someone is staring at you in Personal Growth.” “Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare.” But most troubling, “The right man for you might be out there right now and if you don’t grab him, someone else will, and you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.” That’s a real fear people have as they age!

J: And it’s the truest serendipity. They’re set up on dates with two other people and she quotes an article for a magazine for the first time ever and he’s the one who wrote it. It’s amazing that the perfect meet cute happens in the movie, but not for the central couple. Then the only scenes we really get before they’re married are the wagon wheel coffee table scene (which is hilarious) and the pictionary scene (less hilarious, but “Baby fishmouth is sweeping the nation” is an amazing line). It’s like the film just wanted to give all of us hope that there is a perfect romance, but remind us that the odds are, it’s not yours. Which they set up early in the movie when they talk about Ingrid Bergman’s choice in Casablanca.

Q: I really wonder about Sally’s change of heart over that. When they first argue about Ilsa getting on the plane with Victor Lazlo instead of staying with Rick, Sally insists that Ilsa chose to get on the plane because she is practical and she wouldn’t want to be “married to a man who runs a bar” and that “women are very practical.” (This is not, to my recollection of the movie, really accurate – Rick convinces Ilsa to get on the plane after originally telling her she would stay in Casablanca with him.) Even though what she has with Rick is “the greatest sex of [her] life” as Harry puts it. Years later, when they are both watching Casablanca on TV over the phone (apparently a real thing that Billy Crystal and Rob Reiner did), Sally insists that she never would have said that when Harry asks her about it again.

J: I think that’s another way to contrast Harry and Sally. When Harry’s reminded of stuff he’s previously said, he denies it only until he remembers it, while Sally just insists that she didn’t say it. She can’t conceive of having been that person, while Harry still can. It’s because Sally has grown more since then, mostly because, as she states at the beginning, she hadn’t done anything when they first met, while Harry is always at least a little of the dark, horny college guy he started out as. And I think that Sally only realizes that she was wrong because she finally had a real passionate relationship with Joe, so she gets Harry’s side more now. I also really appreciate that this movie reflects on the history of romance in film. 

Q: Are there movies now where the characters are watching When Harry Met Sally?

J: I can’t think of one, which is absurd. 

Q: I was reading that originally this movie wasn’t supposed to end with Harry and Sally getting together, they remained friends but not lovers. Reiner and Ephron thought that was the “true” ending. I can definitely think of one example of a woman I know who had a very tight, years-long friendship with a guy, they eventually hooked up a few times, and now they’re not in touch at all anymore as far as I know. That was like, college-age, though, not exactly the most emotionally mature time. I have one friend who describes her husband as a long-time close friend before they became something more, but I wasn’t present for their courtship.

J: Yeah, I’m not saying that ending doesn’t happen, but people change over time and those who change in a way that brings them closer to someone they find attractive eventually end up proposing at a steakhouse. This movie shaped a lot of my sense of humor and how I approach relationships, so I’m glad that watching it now, it still holds up quite well. It’s not just that it addresses topics that most movies wouldn’t, it’s that even if you took all that away, all of the elements of this movie are well done and we’d probably look at it to find some meaning just because everything works so well. If we spent another ten pages on this, I couldn’t praise this film enough.

Q: Well, I think we’d eventually have to call the whole thing off.

MAMMA MIA! (And briefly Princess Bride) – Wedding Bell Blurbs

Well, we’re back. We’re past the first bridal shower and the last single Thanksgiving, not quite to the last Christmas where we’re single. I mean, we’re not single, but you get the idea.

SUMMARY

MAMMA MIA! is the jukebox musical of the works of ABBA. It’s probably the most successful jukebox musical, mostly because ABBA is so damned catchy.

Sophie (Amanda “I can see your soul” Seyfried) is getting married to Sky (Dominic “Jesse Custer” Cooper) on a Greek island where her mother, Donna (Meryl “I am the best actress alive and you damn well better acknowledge that” Streep), runs a hotel. Donna formerly had a band called Donna and the Dynamos with her best friends Tanya (Christine “I am the best part of this movie” Baranski) and Rosie (Julie “stop putting stuff in quotes” Walters). Sophie doesn’t know who her father is, but from her mother’s diary has found it must be either Sam (Pierce Brosnan), Bill (Stellan Skarsgard), or Harry (Colin Firth). She invites all three of them to her wedding without telling her mother. Hijinks and musical numbers ensue.

She’s not a bad mom, but man, one conversation would have sabotaged all the hijinks.

END SUMMARY

Q: This was honestly, way more fun than I remember. How fucking charming is everyone in this movie? And by “everyone” I’m including the island of Skopelos. And the music can’t be beat. There’s a reason few jukebox musicals have been able to replicate the success of Mamma Mia!

J: So, this is a bit of a house divided. While I love the musical Mamma Mia!, I actually don’t think that this movie is as good as it should be, Meryl Streep aside. And it’s not just Pierce Brosnan’s attempts to sing despite apparently having been punched in the throat by Mike Tyson before every take. I will agree that I don’t think that there are many stage jukebox musicals that can match Mamma Mia!, but I think that’s because other jukebox musicals were just trying to duplicate this show rather than arising from genuine love of a band like this one did. There are a lot of good things in the movie, even if I don’t like the whole thing. First, films may fail, but Meryl Streep doesn’t, and dear God, does she bring 110% in this film. 

110 percent easily.

Q: Okay, yes, Pierce Brosnan can’t sing. And Colin Firth also can’t sing. Even Meryl is not always the strongest singer. But she more than makes up for it, and I think the fact that everyone seems to be having the time of their life in this movie makes up for the vocal shortcomings. Do I wish that Hollywood would just cast talented musical theater actors instead of trying to make big names sing? Of course. Is this movie still a goddamn joy to watch? Also yes.

J: Firth is a balladeer compared to Brosnan. I think Meryl is a near-top-tier singer, it’s just that we usually expect a Julie-Andrews-level talent for a film like this and she’s not that. You are absolutely correct though that this seems like a movie where everyone seems to be having a hell of a time and who can blame them? The setting of this movie is basically a tourist ad for Greece. It’s beautiful and they take a lot of time to explore it. I feel terrible that I don’t find it a joy to watch, because I think that the fact that the movie constantly feels uneven takes me out of it. I don’t mean that there are “mediocre” scenes between the great ones, I mean that there are weird choices like having some songs come in slowly but others just pop in (and no reason why they should be handled differently), or why, and this one still bugs me, they sometimes put lens flare in shots for songs, but not the ones where it makes sense thematically. Also, even if the voices are bad, the sound mixing for this was not at the level it should be for a musical. It just all takes me out of it, despite this movie being a collection of some of my favorite songs and a lot of fun moments. … Am I a bad person?

YOU DON’T GET TO AGE THIS WELL AND ALSO SING WELL.

Q: …No, dear.

J: Audience, I was gone for like 20 minutes before she wrote that, so take it with a pound of salt.

Q: Aww, I definitely wrote that right away! Definitely.

I guess I’m just along for the whole ridiculous ride? They don’t make you wait too long between songs, and again, everyone is just so charming, the sets and costumes are gorgeous, the island is beautiful. Sure, every now and then there’s an odd moment, and of course the plot is weird, but that’s just this show. I noticed the movie cut out Sophie’s nightmare before the wedding, set to “Under Attack,” and while I totally understand why they would do that, I have a soft spot for it – I worked as a dresser when a traveling production of Mamma Mia! came through the theater I worked at, and I got to help the actor playing Sky put on a wedding dress, as he appears in Sophie’s nightmare first dressed normally, then wearing her dress, necessitating a quick change.

I do love that the movie makes Colin Firth’s character gay, and that they try a little harder to give character to the Greek residents of the island than the stage musical does.

J: The supporting cast are one of the strongest parts of this movie, including the Greek residents as the chorus. They all look like they were having a great time and the choreography and even random stuff they do in the background does add to the magical realism for the musical numbers. But sometimes it distracts, too, like when they randomly laugh at Donna. Also, for supporting characters, Dominic Cooper as Sky has great chemistry with Amanda Seyfried. I didn’t realize though that he’s thirty in the movie playing a twenty year old because he looks so young. He has aged really well since then, too (watch Preacher). Julie Walters, who plays one of Donna’s Dynamos is wonderfully goofy while still being sincere and having a solid voice. But then there’s Christine Baranski…

Q: All hail Christine Baranski.

J: All hail Christine Baranski!

Q: What a treasure.

J: She is the best part of this movie, to the extent that I wrote “Christine Baranski is the best part of this movie” four times while watching it. I especially love the version of “Does Your Mother Know” with the gender-swap. Obviously, that makes it a lot easier to do nowadays, as you said when we were watching it. I’ll admit that this movie does have a lot of bright moments, I just wish I felt that it was more coherent. Still, I do understand why, if you’re not a cynical bastard like me, people would like this film. 

Q: You can be a cynical bastard while still sometimes, you know, enjoying things. It’s hard not to sing along. Sure, there are a couple of WTF moments for me – like if you think about what an unhinged thing this was for Sophie to do, Sky asking Sophie if she only wanted to marry him so she could meet her dads (???), the Greeks laughing at Donna mentioning fate, or “it’s Aphrodite!!” I do feel like this film wanted to reference Greek mythology but didn’t really commit to it, other than having a literal Greek chorus I guess.

J: I enjoy a lot of things, including musicals, but this one hurts because it’s so close to being really good but just can’t quite carry it all the way. But still, I am glad that at least you enjoy it. By the way, we do have the bonus review to do.

BONUS REVIEW: THE PRINCESS BRIDE

Q: This is a perfect film.

J: Yep. Absolutely is. 

THIS CONCLUDES YOUR BONUS REVIEW

Father of the Bride – Wedding Bell Blurbs

So we’re doing the next pre-wedding movie, the classic 1991 film Father of the Bride. I had seen this movie and its sequel a lot during my childhood. The Queen of the Couch had never seen it at all, but loves Only Murders in the Building, so getting her to watch a film with Steve Martin and Martin Short wasn’t hard.

SUMMARY

George (Steve Martin) and Nina Banks (Diane Keaton) are successful businesspeople in San Marino, California, raising their son, Matty (Kieran Culkin) and excited for their 22-year-old daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) to come home from her post-graduation trip to Europe. When she arrives, she reveals that while she was in Europe for three months she met an American named Bryan MacKenzie (George Newbern) and not only started dating, but got engaged. George does not take this well, but eventually goes along with meeting Bryan’s parents (Peter Michael Goetz and Kate McGregor-Stewart) and the vaguely European wedding coordinator Franck (Martin Short) and his assistant Howard (BD “It stands for Builds Dinosaurs” Wong). While George resists the marriage to hold on to his daughter, he does eventually realize that he has to let go. Also, shenanigans.

END SUMMARY

Q: You hyped up this movie quite a bit for me.

J: Yeah… And I admit now that I probably shouldn’t have hyped it as much as I did. I have a lot of nostalgia for this film and its sequel. I still enjoyed it, but wow do parts of this movie feel dated now. Granted, the premise is from a film so old that Elizabeth Taylor was the daughter in the original, so maybe it was always going to feel a little old-fashioned. 

Q: There were definitely some great heartfelt moments in it, and Martin Short is very funny. But boy is it hard to watch Steve Martin in the earlier part of the film.

J: I think they told him “Steve, you’re naturally charming and likable, but if you don’t have an arc, this film doesn’t work, so we’re gonna need you to be a crazy asshole for the first forty-five minutes.” He’s not even wrong to have issues with what’s happening, but they have him overreact for terrible reasons.

There’s a lot of eyeball acting.

Q: I think it’s just one of the ways the movie is dated. Today, a dad reacting this badly feels…well, bad instead of funny, while back then it probably seemed more comically relatable. You can tell from the movie that there’s definitely some social awareness of feminism, but watching it now it’s hard not to have that awareness of, “oh I’ve heard of people who act like this and ruin the lives of the women in their family.” It’s just very uncomfortable to be put in the position of trying to relate to this guy at first. When we do have those more sincere scenes where he’s thinking about how his daughter has grown and what that means, he is a lot more sympathetic!

J: Yeah. Of course, it’s also probably tougher to suddenly think of your daughter as being “grown” when, three months prior, she was still living in your house, going to school, and didn’t know the man she is engaged to. He’s definitely still overprotective, but it’s also true that she went on a trip for school for three months, apparently met a man, got engaged, arranged for the guy to come to meet her parents, but decided only to tell them this an hour beforehand. This was when guys weren’t allowed to have feelings, so it was harder to process them without resorting to yelling about how you’re the parents and you make the rules. Glad that’s definitely not a problem anymore.

Q: That’s the thing, if my 22 year old daughter came back from an internship abroad and was like “guess what, I’m engaged, and he’s coming over in an hour to meet you” I would be very concerned! That is a relatable concern! But since men aren’t (present tense) allowed to have feelings, he expressed this in the worst way. I also don’t like that they deliberately cast a younger actress for the daughter. I think 22 is still too young to get married, but there’s no need to further infantilize young women like this. 

Doesn’t help that she is doing the 90s prom walk down the stairs, but I guess that hadn’t been invented yet.

J: Weird side thing on that: So originally the daughter was supposed to be Phoebe Cates, who was almost 30 at the time, but she declined because she was pregnant, so they decided to go younger which is why they ended up picking Kimberly Williams (later Kimberly Williams-Paisley after she married Brad Paisley at a barbecue picnic wedding like we see Steve Martin imagine in the film, which I add only because it’s f*cking crazy). It would be interesting to see how the movie would have changed if Annie was played by someone who was a decade older. But, instead, yeah, she’s the “little girl” throughout. I think because of that they really overplayed how much George immediately hated Bryan, although Bryan doesn’t exactly have the greatest people skills… probably because he’s a computer nerd with a family that’s so wealthy he never needed them.

Q: I think if he had been too smooth, he wouldn’t have been sympathetic – it would make Steve Martin’s suspicion seem justified.

I want to make sure we talk about the wedding in this film, since as with all wedding media that I’ve been seeing lately, I inevitably compare it to my own experience of planning a wedding. It’s funny to see a wedding “coordinator” (planner) in the film since I have to imagine that wedding planners were not as commonplace as they are now. The idea of a wedding planner having these lavish visions for the wedding that seem a bit much for the people paying for the wedding is actually a bit that holds up pretty well. Although now I’m disappointed that no one had suggested live swans for our wedding. But I yelled when he told them to pick out a cake FIRST. That’s one of the things that comes last in reality! I get that his suggestion that the cake sets the whole tone of the wedding is intentionally ridiculous as a joke, and maybe I’m just too caught up in wedding brain.

J: Mostly, it occurred to me later that the cake just had a flat price, which… makes even less sense, particularly given that it’s a 500 person wedding. Do they just only have one size of cake that looks like that and you have to order other desserts? How many people was the cake for? But yeah, I’m so glad they added the wedding planner to the film because in the original film the wife was the one that was going overboard on everything and it’s much better to have Diane Keaton as the sensible one while giving Martin Short free range to do the craziest vaguely-European character imaginable. That said, I’d have canceled a check for Franck over the parking situation. There was never a way to physically put 300 cars on a residential street like that. Aside from that, it does end up being a gorgeous wedding. I still think the swans were a bit much. Also, why did they use goose sound effects for the swans? Swans sound cool.

It’s funny that this is the house of the “poor” family side of the wedding. Kids, you’ll never own one.

Q: Martin Short’s accent is everything, but I think you’d likely end up in court over trying to get out of paying Franck, since he did advise more parking attendants. But parking is one of many potential complications of doing your wedding at home. Home weddings, like DIYing aspects of your wedding, can be more expensive and complicated than you’d think, so that’s very real.

Compared to the last movie we saw, five months for wedding planning is better than three, but this is still really not ideal for a large wedding. Using your home as the reception venue at least removes the complication of trying to find a reception hall that isn’t already booked. I was also amused that they used all three of the big movie wedding songs – Pachelbel’s Canon, Here Comes the Bride, and the Wedding March.

J: Well, it’s not a wedding without Taco Bell’s Cannon. Also, the wedding in My Best Friend’s Wedding was at a family home as well, they just also had a family chapel. Because they were billionaires, rather than paltry multi-millionaires. I think I just realized why our wedding has taken so much more to plan: We can’t buy small countries with our pocket money. We should rectify that. 

Who doesn’t casually gift a car?

Okay, back to the film, I still feel like it’s nuts that they didn’t delay the bride and groom leaving for like one minute so that George could say goodbye. And after he saved their relationship during their extremely mature fight over a blender. Yeah, I completely forgot that Annie and Bryan almost broke up the week before the wedding over her believing that a blender is an indication that he doesn’t want her to work and instead be a housewife, a thing he’s repeatedly said he doesn’t want. It’s a really poorly-conceived contrivance for a third act redemption moment. Do better, Nancy Meyers (she did. The Holiday is a masterpiece). 

Q: Right?? (And yes, The Holiday is amazing.) There’s no way any wedding would be like “whoops, Dad wasn’t available for the allotted time for the father/daughter dance, guess we’re going to just play the song awkwardly while we wonder where he is.” What did you hire a wedding planner for?? This also feels both contrived and a pretty unsatisfying ending for a comedy. Just give us the sweet father/daughter dance scene we deserve after listening to Steve Martin yell about “$250 a head!!” for the rest of the movie.

J: Yeah, instead we do get the nice phone call and he does get to acknowledge that he’s finally let her go then moves on to dance with his wife. He does at least complete the character arc. Now, I don’t want people to think this movie didn’t have a lot of good points. Steve Martin does some solid physical comedy (albeit only in a few scenes), Martin Short is freaking hilarious as Franck, and it does have some nice heartwarming moments. I love that he has bridal sneakers made for his daughter. But, overall, I do think that it hasn’t aged as well as I would have hoped. 

Thanks for making screenshotting impossible, Disney.

Q: To me it felt like there were two movies – one that was trying to be an over-the-top comedy, where Steve Martin and Martin Short’s characters lived, and one that was trying to be a more serious story about letting your child go, where all the other characters lived. This was such a thing back in this time period in film comedy, putting one or two farcical characters in an otherwise normal setting. This duality probably made more sense at the time, but just feels awkward and uneven now. Also, shout out to B.D. Wong in one of his first big film roles.

J: Hell yes, shout out to B.D. Wong, who already had a Tony, but had not changed the world by making velociraptors yet. Also, Kieran Culkin, who has managed to grow from cutest smart-ass kid to smart-ass adult who still delivers amazing performances. Mostly, I’m glad this film did keep Steve Martin and Martin Short working together, because that has produced one of my favorite comedy teams.

Well, that’s two down.

Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour –  A Boyfriend’s Review

I went to a two-and-a-half hour concert film. Let me tell you how that went.

SUMMARY

It’s a concert film of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. The Eras Tour consists of songs from each of Taylor Swift’s ten albums (not counting re-releases), although they are not ordered chronologically. While they did have to cut five songs out, it’s still longer than almost any of the concerts I’ve been to, and that’s considering that they cut out a lot of the parts of the show where they’re doing set or costume changes or just letting Taylor catch her breath. There are some animated transitions between the eras, but other than that it’s just a video of the show. There’s not much more I can say about it as far as a summary goes. If you want a breakdown of the setlist, there are entire online communities dedicated to dissecting it.

END SUMMARY

So, I’m not a Swiftie, but as someone who is marrying a Swiftie, I’ve heard no small amount of Taylor Swift. Through osmosis alone, I can name all ten of Taylor Swift’s albums. Also, I have a number of alternate lyrics or sounds that are capable of ruining various Taylor Swift songs to the annoyance of my significant others that amuse me to no end. But I certainly would never attend a Taylor Swift concert on my own, even one for the cost of a movie ticket rather than the artificially inflated Ticketmaster price. Still, I went for love.

And, honestly, it’s a pretty great show.

There’s not enough pink there.

First, let’s address the music. A lot of people tend to hate on Taylor Swift, mostly because she has a number of radio-friendly earworms that have been going for the last two decades. You’ve heard her asking Romeo to take her somewhere, talking about the poor quality of some sanguine fluid, or how she’s going to shake something off and, honestly, you probably wanted to break something after the 13th consecutive play. But the fact is that, while the single tracks get overplayed and it’s easy to complain about her pervasive and perpetual popularity, Taylor Swift does actually make some solid music. It might not always be the most complicated music (although she has some songs that definitely are more sophisticated, which is why they aren’t her hits), but she consistently puts out lyrics that combine storytelling and raw emotional honesty while making it fit a meter. There’s a reason she has nine number one songs, most of which were written by her. Girl can write a song.

The Eras Tour structure is one of the best ideas I’ve seen someone come up with for a show from both a creative and practical standpoint. From a practical standpoint, due to the pandemic, Taylor Swift has put out FOUR albums since she last toured, and by arranging the albums non-chronologically, she can put each of the albums in separate quartiles of the show so they each get attention with the other albums as a buffer. From an artistic perspective, it shows Taylor’s range throughout her career, but does so by contrasting with other stages of her career. See, for those of us of a certain age and back pain amount, Taylor Swift was originally a country music star who later moved to pop and she’s slowly moved between mostly pop-related subgenres for the last decade or so. If you were to actually do it chronologically, you would see the slow progression of her music, but by doing it in a hatcheted method, it separates the eras more clearly and shows the strengths of each one. 

Not all of these are Taylor’s Version.

The performances themselves are amazing, including the back-up dancers, sets, and costumes. It’s one of the most elaborate shows I’ve ever seen. But the thing that really felt different to me about this show compared to most is that Taylor comes off less as a performer and more as a person asking you to join her in an experience. She’s not just showing you songs she wrote, she’s trying to show you who she is through her songs. She’s constantly stating how she felt when writing certain pieces and how she hopes you will feel when you hear them. She comes off less as a pop star and more a person who just wants to have fun with you. It might be an act, she is a performer after all, but even if it is, she’s pulling it off. 

She looks like she enjoys performing beyond just becoming richer than some countries.

Look, I’m not going to say this is a movie that you should see if you’re not interested in Taylor Swift at all, but I will say there are worse movies you can go to with your significant other, if they are into Taylor Swift. 

My Best Friend’s Wedding – Wedding Bell Blurbs

I know it’s been a while. I’ve been going through stuff, professionally and personally, that has made it difficult to post on here. It’s honestly made it difficult to even enjoy watching most media with the same love that I used to have. Especially the bad media that I used to adore. But, through all of it, the brightest spot in my life is that I have had someone with me that helps to make it all bearable, and six months from today (give or take a few days), she will be my wife and the Queen of my Couch. To celebrate that, she’s decided that each month we’re going to jointly watch a marriage-related film/tv episode and review it together as a dialogue. So, here’s the first of these, the 90s classic, My Best Friend’s Wedding.

SUMMARY

Jules (Julia Roberts) is an apparently very famous and successful food critic (this will be brought up in the opening and never be important again) who finds out that her ex-boyfriend and supposed best friend Michael (Dylan Mc… Wait, no Dermot Mulroney) is getting married in four days. This will be two weeks before Jules turns 28, the birthday at which the two had agreed to get married if they both were single. Jules, being a terrible person, immediately decides to wreck the wedding and steal Michael for herself. Due to her Maid of Honor being unable to attend the wedding, and hating her other bridesmaids, Michael’s fiancé Kimmy (Cameron Diaz) appoints Jules as the Maid of Honor. Kimmy, the 20-year-old daughter of the billionaire owner of the Chicago White Sox, is planning to drop out of architecture school to support Michael, but would prefer he take a job working for her father. Jules tries to exploit this to split the couple up, but fails. When Jules’ actual best friend George (Rupert “the Gay Dermon Mulroney” Everett) shows up to support her, she pretends that he is her fiancé to make Michael jealous. Unfortunately, while George is charming, he’s also very gay and eventually tells her to let Michael go. Naturally, Jules doesn’t, repeatedly doing horrible things to break the couple up until she finally confesses her feelings to Michael the morning before the wedding and kisses him. Kimmy, seeing this, runs, but after talking with Michael, Jules acknowledges that he loves Kimmy, not her, and convinces Kimmy to marry him. Jules finally moves on, but not before dancing with George.

Remember kids, in the 1990s, Dermot Mulroney could believably get both of these women to fight over him.

END SUMMARY

Queen of the Couch: So here we are. It is six months until we get married. Sorry I forgot to make you an editor of this Google doc until now.

Joker on the Sofa: That’s fine. It’s my website. I get the final call on everything. 

Q: Uh huh. Sure dear. Anyway, let’s talk about My Best Friend’s Wedding. A movie featuring some really great musical moments, enormous cell phones, everyone being mean to Cameron Diaz for no good reason, and the great Rupert Everett.

Yes, he’s the gay version of Dermot Mulroney.

J: Rupert Everett as George is the best part of this movie and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and probably a communist. The bad kind of communist. The Stalin kind. Also, on a personal note, I think I had the soundtrack to this film because either my mother or my sister left it in my car and, honestly, no regrets.

Q: Everyone had the soundtrack to this movie.

J: Because it does a lot of the heavy lifting when we’re stuck trying not to hate the characters too much. The music manages to keep us upbeat despite that.

Q: I agree that it was remarkable how unlikeable the extremely likable Julia Roberts is in this movie, watching it all these years later, but I don’t think the music is working in opposition to that. The opening number, for instance, exquisitely choreographed by Toni Basil, is such a great setup here.

J: Also, yes, for those who are wondering, that’s the same Toni Basil who did “Mickey (You’re So Fine).” 

Q: It’s literally winking at the idealization of marriage embodied by wedding culture. Lyrically it’s spelling out exactly what Jules has been doing wrong the past eight years – wishing and hoping Michael will come back and get her. (If that is really what she wanted.) There are so many moments where these classic Burt Bacharach love songs are playing while we, the audience, are clawing our faces in horror and laughter – it’s part of the comedy and it’s part of the point. There’s “What The World Needs Now” playing during the car chase. There is a barbershop trio of guys on helium singing “Annie’s Song” by John Denver as Jules realizes she can’t lie to Michael anymore. 

J: Yeah, that’s kind of what I meant. If you took this exact movie and replaced the Burt Bacharach/Hal David hits with the Psycho score, I think you could make Jules horrifying. Side note: I consider the beautiful car/pastry truck chase to “What the World Needs Now” to be a precursor to the amazing trope of a fight choreographed to an upbeat song. Then there’s one of the most awkward scenes in the movie, where she pretends that George, her openly gay best friend, is her fiance, which is made immediately bearable by two things: Rupert Everett (long may he reign among supporting characters) and the best scene in the movie, the “Say A Little Prayer” scene. 

Screw it, I’m just putting the scene here. It’s magical.

Q: Long live Barry the Cuda’s and long live Dionne Warwick. It’s hard to think of another non-musical movie where an entire family would just break into song in a restaurant where the waiters are wearing lobster-claw gloves. After (deservedly) trolling her quite a bit for forcing him to pretend to be her fiance, George leaves Jules with some honest advice. And what does Jules do with that?

J: Immediately lie further to Michael and go on a semi-romantic boat ride in which she is literally told that all she needs to do is say “I Love You” when the moment is right (and it clearly is), only for her to still be too unwilling to do anything that makes her emotionally vulnerable. She keeps saying that she’s ready to be with him, but she won’t let herself be open to him, so she’s just lying to herself. 

Q: I think this “avoiding talking sincerely about feelings at all costs” was either more relatable in the 90s, when it was, for some reason, SO important to seem cool; or when we were younger, when it was, for some reason SO EFFING IMPORTANT to seem cool. Maybe it’s both. I don’t know. I’m a heart-on-my-sleeve kind of person, so if someone is in my face as much as Michael was…I can’t imagine having all these fraught, romantic moments with someone for NINE YEARS and not just saying how I feel. This is actually part of the reason I wonder sometimes if Jules really does love Michael, or if she just loved keeping around this guy who was pining for her and having him in her back pocket if she needed him someday. You can’t really do that to people.

J: I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. She gets multiple opportunities to actually try and show him that she’s actually into romance, but she never actually does. It’s not until she’s literally at the end of her rope that she can say she loves him, but she even says that she didn’t realize it until he said he was getting married. That’s just her not liking losing him, rather than actually valuing him. And she says it only after confirming that Kimmy actually does make him happy, so it’s even worse. Also, they were only together for a month before she broke up with him!  Seriously, I’m impressed that Julia Roberts, America’s sweetheart, said “I want to play the worst person that isn’t Charlize Theron in Monster” and, honestly, she nailed it.

If Jules had been in the back, I believe that she’d have choked Kimmy to death and the movie would be 20 minutes long.

Q: I don’t really get the impression from the opening of the movie that she had gotten to the point where that was something she wanted in her life, really. It’s hard not to feel like she’s just panicking about life passing her by. I don’t know if this movie’s intention was “punish the career woman for delaying romance” but it feels a little like that, although it’s mirrored by Michael, who doesn’t seem like he made time for romance until he decided to immediately marry a woman he met six months ago. A much younger woman, who isn’t savvy enough to push back on any of his more troubling characteristics.

J: At the end of the movie, despite Kimmy saying that she does want to go back to school and be an architect and that she does want Michael to take the higher-paying more prestigious job that her father offered him, they get married without ever actually discussing those things. Granted, she knows that she can always just change her mind with ease. It must be nice to be rich enough that she can probably just do whatever she wants. God, it really is easy to hate Kimmy, but she’s like Charlotte from Princess and the Frog: She’s rich and naive, but she’s still not a bad person. Kimmy even acknowledges all of Michael’s many, many flaws while smiling, because she finds those things endearing (aside from cigars in bed, which is fair, because what the hell, man). It’s sad that Michael, much like Jules, is the f*cking worst. She could have done better. Honestly, she could just have jetted around the world with George as her new gay best friend and that would have been a more satisfying ending.

Q: Sure, Kimmy is designed like the archetypal girl you’re supposed to hate. But, she gives up on having a real honeymoon for Michael’s career! She’s ditching her dreams of being an architect! (Agreed that this is lower stakes because of her rich family.) Jules forces her into karaoke and Kimmy wins over the crowd by leaning into how much she sucks at karaoke! When faced with her fiance wanting to dump her ON HER WEDDING DAY, Kimmy declares tearfully, “I can be Jello,” if that’s what Michael wants. My heart broke for her. Eat the rich and all that, but she deserved better than Michael. Michael, who obviously also enjoyed keeping Jules around and was just waiting for a chance to shove another woman in her face. Like, everyone enjoys being petty sometimes, but it’s not fair to your fiancée to use her to bait The One That Got Away. Write a sad poem in your journal or something.

J: Throughout the movie, I started keeping a list of lines Michael said that made it clear he was also a piece of crap. It’s too long to reproduce here. For example, in the third scene he has with Jules, he walks in on Jules in her underwear and when she asks him to turn around, he instead keeps watching and says “I’ve seen you a lot more naked than that.” You know, while she’s trying on a dress being paid for by his fiancé for their wedding that’s in 3 days. Then when he leaves he says “you look really good without clothes on.” The night before his wedding, he SUCKS A RING OFF JULES’ FINGER. He’s still far too into Jules, or at least the idea of Jules. Although, I love when Kimmy says “he’s got you on a pedestal, but me in his arms.” She’s not even being mean with that, she’s just being straightforward about loving a man who still isn’t over his ex, and it’s devastating to Jules. 

Q: That was an “oof” moment but she was right. There was also this lovely moment where Jules is smoking in the hotel hallway after Michael has learned about the email his future father-in-law sent to his boss, which of course was really written by Jules. It’s funny, even on this rewatch I initially thought THAT was the rock bottom moment (of course, it isn’t.) But Jules has this beautiful exchange with a young Paul Giamatti. And he says to her, “This too, shall pass.” She just isn’t ready to hear that. Why don’t you listen? Why don’t you run off with Paul Giamatti instead of this self-absorbed sportswriter who prefers a woman who will fit herself into whatever Jello mold he’s feeling that day? (Don’t get married at 20, kids.)

It’s weird that only one of them has an Oscar.

J: Yeah, I completely forgot that Paul Giamatti is in the movie for one very good scene. The supporting cast in this movie is pretty amazing all around. Michael’s dad is M. Emmet Walsh, his brother is a very young Christopher Masterson right before he was Francis on Malcolm in the Middle, Kimmy’s dad is Philip Bosco (Trask from Working Girl), her mom is Susan Sullivan (The mom from Dharma and Greg), and the “vengeful slut” cousins were Rachel Griffiths and Carrie Preston (Brenda from Six Feet Under and Arlene from True Blood, respectively). Also, a weird scene of Harry Shearer reading (lesbian?) erotica in the background, because why not? These people don’t get a lot of screentime, which makes sense because it’s a wedding film, and at a wedding you can’t spend a lot of time with everyone. Fortunately, the script usually gives them a few lines that add enough characterization that they aren’t just “and this person was here.”

Q: Harry Shearer reading (lesbian??) erotica while Jules screams at George because finally telling the truth didn’t give her the ending she was hoping for. Jules is in a bread truck, chasing after Michael who is chasing after Kimmy, and George pointedly asks, “Who’s chasing you?” Perfection. 

I wanna talk about the ending of this movie. Even though, as I’ve said, I’m skeptical of the motives of stories with the “career woman too busy for love,” I think this one takes things a little differently because Jules does find that ability to be emotionally vulnerable and tell the truth, but it doesn’t make her win. She doesn’t get the guy. I just learned that in the original ending of this film shown to test audiences, Jules has a meet-cute with Aiden from Sex and the City (John Corbett.) Audiences didn’t like that ending. And that’s how we got the ending we have now: George, the friend who has always (almost inexplicably) been there for Jules, calls her, cleverly reveals he turned up to the wedding to surprise her, and they dance. It’s so good. Their relationship may not be romantic, but it’s the strongest, most reliable one she’s had. It’s hard for me to think of another rom-com from that time period with an ending like this.

J: It really is awesome. Yeah, some movies had the main characters not end up together (Casablanca, Annie Hall, White Men Can’t Jump), but not really many rom-coms of the style of this movie. Jules gets character growth, but a realistic response to her confession plays out; that while Michael forgives her, they really wouldn’t work. She still has a long way to go to being emotionally vulnerable, but she does give them the song that she and Michael shared, which is at least a sign she’s trying. Then, George’s arrival gives it a fun moment to close on. Honestly, the only real downer about the ending is that Michael does get a happy ending and, looking like Dermot Mulroney aside, he’s a bag of crap as well. 

Q: It’s a downer but it’s the kind of reality that makes this ending so unique. I don’t know that Michael and Kimmy’s marriage would ultimately work out, especially as, you know, she gets older and her brain finishes developing, but who knows, maybe Michael will agree to go to therapy. Ultimately I like the takeaways that friendship is stronger than romance, you can’t always get back something that’s gone, and emotional vulnerability and honesty are the right thing to do, even when they don’t get you what you want.

J: But even if you don’t get what you want, there may not be marriage, there may not be sex…

Q: But there will be blood?

J: You are a monster and I hate you. Get off of my sofa.

Q: I was going to have to get off this sofa anyway if we were going to dance.

J: And by God, there will be dancing.

Well, that’s the first one down. Four more and then an actual marriage to go. Hopefully I’ll start updating again.

Wednesday: Full of Woe – Netflix Review

The latest supernatural teen drama just can’t distinguish itself beyond its leads.

About 10 minutes into Wednesday I was already aware that it was not going to have any real connection to the Addams Family beyond sharing names. The Addams Family, who were most successful as a satire of the stereotypical nuclear family, are a property that I really like when it is done right. Admittedly, not all of their films, shows, or even comics have managed to pull this off, but it’s still a property that can really shine when it works. When watching Wednesday immediately drop this aspect, I got some heavy Riverdale vibes and was nearly ready to call it quits. However, after saying that I was told directly or indirectly by several people that, watched independently of the Addams Family franchise, Wednesday was good on its own merits. As this has been true of a number of films and shows in the past (hell, the Shining’s not a great adaptation, but it’s an amazing film), I figured I would try to judge Wednesday on what it is, rather than what I was hoping if would be.

Having now watched all of Wednesday, I can say that it is indeed better if you just consider it completely removed from the Addams Family properties. Yes, the names are there, but it doesn’t try to capture any of the spirit beyond “creepy family.” However, it still suffers from all the same hallmarks of shoddy writing that populate most “let’s make a teen drama out of this existing IP” shows. The characters tend to fit into simple archetypes while also arguing that they’re complicated. Saying that they’re not able to be put into a box doesn’t actually make a character complex, it just means their entire personality is “doesn’t like labels.” The plot also features Tim Burton reusing plot points from his own movies, which, while something I expect from the director at this point, irked me thoroughly. My biggest complaint, though, was sadly the performances.

Jenna Ortega, though not quite to the extent of young Christina Ricci, pulls off Wednesday’s monotone and intentional indifference well. She tries to be stone-faced as much as possible when dealing with the people she thinks of as her potential victims, which is to say everyone. Ortega manages to make someone speaking with as little emotion as possible into a fairly compelling performance, particularly by sprinkling in face and voice work to make sure that the audience can tell when things actually are bothering Wednesday. The problem is that her performance might have set the tone for the show. Throughout the series, a lot of the cast play extremely subdued or monotone characters and can’t pull it off, nor should they be trying to. Wednesday is an interesting character because she constantly wears a mask of indifference or vitriol. Other characters who don’t have that kind of intentional unemotionality shouldn’t be delivering lines like they’re just trying not to make a scene. The biggest offenders were Luis Guzman’s Gomez, who constantly said romantic and dramatic things without any emotion behind it, Joy Sunday’s Bianca, whose top-girl attitude never came through her delivery, and, sadly, Fred Armisen’s Fester, who constantly feels like a zany character that was given the note “do less.” I think in trying to nail Wednesday’s tone, Ortega’s performance pulled some of the energy from many of the other performers trying to match the scene, even if it didn’t make sense for the character. This is something the director should have avoided. The notable exception is Emma Myers as Enid, Wednesday’s werewolf roommate, who manages to be one of both the best written and best performed characters in the show despite openly trying to be a stereotype on the outside. The fact that two of the leads are so good at playing opposing energies does help the show a lot, but not enough to make up for the plot issues and the rest of the performances.

Ultimately, I’m not sure this is a bad show, but it has the elements of too many other properties in it without doing anything noteworthy with them. It’s definitely better than Riverdale’s first season, but not quite the show it should be.

Barbarian (Spoiler-Free): A Horror Masterpiece

I hadn’t seen this movie before it came to streaming and I may have to rent a theater to watch this on the big screen. 

When this movie came out, all I heard was that it was amazing. I had literally nothing spoiled for me about this movie and, honestly, I want to preserve that for everyone reading this, so I will do my best not to ruin anything.

A house is involved.

The best part of this film is that it actually respects your intelligence as a viewer and doesn’t completely spoon-feed you everything. While we get a few (honestly, maybe only one) expository explanations for events, much of the film is conveyed through either quick flashbacks, set elements, or just allowing the viewer a minute to figure out why some things would be the way they are. I don’t often see horror films that use your imagination against you as well as the first act of this film, because it makes you know something isn’t right, but you are not quite certain what it is and your mind runs through the possibilities as various horror cliches are on the table. The setting, being a run-down area of Detroit, solves a lot of the problems as to why the characters can’t just call the police for help, something that becomes darkly comical. Actually, much of the film is somewhat comical in the way that it paces certain actions or draws out absurd moments. It’s not that the film is a comedy, but it definitely has the flavor at a few points blended in with the horror.

A Pennywise is involved. Wait, no, not that.

The performances in this film are fantastic, with great work from Justin Long and Bill Skarsgard as two very different male leads. However, Georgina Campbell carries much of the movie and carries it flawlessly. The events of this film would traumatize anyone and Campbell conveys all of that without the film having to resort to cliched speeches or lines about it. Instead, you can tell with every scene how much has happened to her, even when we don’t see it all. Since writing this originally, I have gotten into an argument with someone over whether or not Campbell’s character is a stupid protagonist. I, like people who have empathy, think that her character just has a big heart that leads her to risk her own safety for people on principle, something that her background supports. However, if you’re the kind of person who would immediately punt the child out of the spaceship from “The Cold Equations,” then you might think she’s just being foolish.

Also, if you think (this kind of) stupid people deserve what she went through, then you are the monster.

Overall, this was just a great horror film and I cannot recommend it enough. Whether you end up liking the character or not, the structure of the film and the way that it plays out will probably keep you thoroughly entertained.

BLACK ADAM: Snatching Mediocrity from the Jaws of Greatness

I didn’t think that this would be the movie to bring me back, and it really isn’t, but f*ck it, I have thoughts on this movie. Those thoughts mostly being “HOW IS THIS NOT AMAZING?”

I mean, the muscles alone should carry a film.

If you’re not familiar with the character of Black Adam from DC comics, he was originally the evil version of Captain Marvel. The one that’s now called SHAZAM, not the one in the Avengers. Over time, some good writers realized that a character who is basically Superman but also is willing to punch through a bad guy’s head can be an interesting character and a way to explore the moral gray areas that characters like Superman usually can’t. Unfortunately, most of those writers were not involved in this movie. They were replaced by cliches and cocaine, which is itself a cliche.

Granted, sometimes Cocaine is what you want in a script (Give us Crank 3: Cranked Up On Crank).

The premise is that a few millennia ago in the generic but unoffensive because it’s fictional Middle-Eastern nation of Kahndaq, an evil king (Marwan Kenzari) took over and created a crown of pure evil for reasons. A bunch of wizards needed a champion to stop him, because wizards can’t do shit on their own (ask anyone playing DnD), and so they chose Teth-Adam (Dwayne “I Don’t Need a Muscle Suit” Johnson) and he proceeded to kick the king’s ass and then get imprisoned by the wizards. In the modern day, Kahndaq is now held by a military occupier called Intergang who force the people to mine “Eternium,” a mineral that apparently is pure magic and only found in Kahndaq. Adrianna Tomaz (Sarah Shahi), her brother Karim (Mohammed Amer), and her son Amon (Bodhi Sabongui) are resistance fighters who find the location of the crown and also Black Adam’s resting place. They end up releasing him and he proceeds to kick the crap out of Intergang until he is attacked by the “Justice” Society of America, consisting of Hawkman (Aldis Hodge), Doctor Fate (Pierce Brosnan), Cyclone (Quintessa Swindell), and Atom Smasher (Noah Centineo). Some stuff happens and ultimately they all band together to save the day. If that’s a spoiler, you haven’t seen movies. 

These guys can’t possibly get over their issues and work together… oh, really? They did? Shocking.

Okay, this movie does a few things right. It has some funny scenes to break up the tension. It shows a few scenes of what would actually happen if an army attacked Superman and he didn’t have his “no killing” policy (hint: doesn’t go well for the guys with guns). Mostly, though, it has the Rock nailing it. I have many, many complaints about this film, but none of them are about his performance. He is a man who has a massive amount of anger matched only by his ridiculous amount of power. He can do whatever he wants, but he doesn’t really have bad intentions. He just doesn’t believe that you should spare someone who is trying to murder you, which makes a lot of sense for someone from 2600 BC. 

Also, hoods were big in desert cultures. The hood was a good choice.

The problem is that the movie can’t ever really address some of the bigger themes that they actually touch on and those themes are what would actually be worth addressing. Instead, the movie has to force a bunch of conflicts by making various characters do arbitrarily stupid things or out-of-character decisions. It’s enraging. For example, the Justice Society of America, who we have never seen or heard of before now, works for Amanda Waller, the person who runs the Suicide Squad and basically decide they have to imprison Teth-Adam the minute he appears because he is too powerful to allow to run free and because he committed the horrible crime of… seeking vengeance on the king that enslaved his country and slaughtered his people. Seriously. In response, the people of Kahndaq openly root for Adam because he’s killing the people that have been enslaving and murdering them for, apparently, 27 years. The Justice Society notably did nothing about that, but showed up the minute someone tried to stop it. The implication, which might have been interesting but is never followed up on, is that America might be backing Intergang in order to get access to Eternium. Not that America would ever back a harmful regime in the Middle East in order to gain access to natural resources. The Justice Society doesn’t really have any answer to why they’re working for Waller nor why they keep attacking Black Adam in the middle of a populated city, but most of their actions contrast with the principles they supposedly stand for and their entire notion of being “good” is that they don’t kill people. This would be something that would be really interesting to explore, but, again, the movie just kind of moves on so that we can get to Act 3 with the super-punching and the sky-beam. Oooh, so original and fun.

Also, let’s nerf Doctor Fate because he could solve all this with one hand.

Seriously, though, DC, you had all the ingredients to make something amazing in this film, mostly just having The Rock in it, and you screwed it up royally. Even worse, this movie will make a billion dollars and you will learn nothing and neither will we.

If you want to check out some more by the Joker on the Sofa, check out the 100 Greatest TV Episodes of All Time, Collection of TV Episodes, Collection of Movie Reviews, or the Joker on the Sofa Reviews.

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